


These Vision Orbs Are Too OP

by Penultimate1



Category: Naruto
Genre: Aged-Down Character(s), Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempt at Humor, Author Attempts A Lot Of Things, Author Attempts To Write Strategic Fights, Bad Decisions, Blood and Injury, Chronic Illness, Fear of Death, Fix-It of Sorts, Friendship, Gen, Glacial Pacing, Gratuitous Use Of The Word "Brat", How Do I Tag, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kage Bunshin no Jutsu | Shadow Clone Technique, Kekkei Genkai | Bloodline Limit, Kirigakure | Hidden Mist Village, Medical Procedures, Mind Control, Orphanage, Orphans, Panic Attacks, Post-Third Shinobi War, Pre-Canon, Probably Won't Have Romance, Self-Insert, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, THATS WHY, Third Shinobi War, Trying To Decipher Naruto's Timeline Makes Me Want To Die, first fic, lots of kids
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:01:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 25,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27611788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penultimate1/pseuds/Penultimate1
Summary: For all of my short life, I have been an orphan with an intellect greater than most of my peers, that's all. But what do I do now that I remember a past life? Well, try to make a place for my self in this new, oddly Japanese country of course. Wait. Kisame? OH HELL NO! Am I in Naruto? I better have a magic eyeball or else I'll have to start arranging a second funeral. Kiri!SI/OC Eventual!Kekkei Genkai (Its a long way off)
Relationships: Karatachi Yagura & Original Character(s), Uchiha Itachi & Original Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 81





	1. Life. Once More With Feeling!

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I have been an avid reader of fanfiction for about 2 years now and they have given me immense joy. Honestly I never planned on writing one though, but for about 4 years now I have had an original story concept stuck in my head. But since it has been in there for so long it has basically become my baby and I want it to be the best it can be, so to do that I need writing experience. That was when I got the idea to write a fanfiction. I just so happened to be on a Naruto SI kick recently so i decided to write my own using a few concepts I wanted to see.
> 
> So please give me feedback on my writing skills and what I need to improve.
> 
> Cross posted on FFN
> 
> I do not own Naruto, obviously.

It is either contrary to what one would think or exactly as one would expect to know that awareness of my situation came slowly. Throughout my young life I had experienced glimpses, smelling bread in the morning filled me with a sense of nostalgia (even though it was dispelled with a blink at the foul taste and rock-esque texture), I sometimes assigned names to objects in a completely foreign language (not that I knew that yet), or felt immense bouts of longing, like i was missing something in my life (though that could have just been my natural instincts as an orphaned child). Overall, I had a better understanding of my surroundings than the other children at the orphanage and eventually it culminated in the middle of a game of ninja.

"I got you! You're dead!"

"Nuh uh, you missed me!"

"Yea huh, I'm a j-jow-neen I can't miss!"

"Well, I'm a jow-neen too, so even if you got me I would come back"

"T-then you're a ghost!"

"Nuh uh, a ninja can't be a ghost!"

"Ahhhhhhh he's a ghost!"

I was sitting under my favorite tree watching the games being played by my peers on the misty playground, as I usually do. I have never liked playing with the other children, there is just something so aggravating about it, instead I spend most of my days observing the games played and chuckling at their antics. Reflecting on the conversation between my two peers I had the seemingly innocent thought

' _Wait since I came back does that mean I'm a ghost. I don't think so, I mean I have a body but so does h-_ '

"BRATS! DINNER TIME!"

The ungodly screech of the Head Matron shook me from my musing as a new thought came into mind.

'W _hat a bitch…. wait what's a bitch?'_ That was not the first time I had instinctively referred to people in that manner even though I did not understand what the word meant, but I usually don't end up dwelling on things like that. Hey cut me some slack here! At the moment I'm just a kid with a dictionary embedded into his mind. One without the definitions, might I add.

I was shaken from my thoughts once again with the well timed rumbling of my stomach and I immediately followed the other kids running inside, all thoughts from the last 30 seconds completely and utterly erased from my mind, demonstrating just how much of a total scatterbrain I am.

The total warzone that was the orphanage dining area served to further distract me from my important revelations. You see, in the orphanage, there is a shortage of food at mealtime, that combined with a callous staff, means that as soon as you're old enough to walk you have to fight for your meals. I understood this earlier than most so I have developed a bit of a reputation.

"Move, it's that kid who took down Ryo!"

"He's so scary!"

Are people still referring to me as that? That was a year ago, for the children here whose ages vary between born to three that's practically 1/3rd of our lives. To be totally fair though Ryo started it. On my first day of fending for myself I didn't realize what was happening, despite my awareness being far beyond my current age.

On that day, instead of being fed by one of the matrons like every other day of my short life, I was thrust into the dining hall and left without a word. It was loud, and confusing, I didn't know anybody, and, oh yea, I was a grand total of one years old. So when I tried to get in line for breakfast and this big, scary three year old came to take my spot with a sneer that had no place on a kid that young, I just swung. Pretty sure that tooth was about to fall out anyway. On the bright side Ryo left soon after that to go wherever all the kids three and up go so he never got his revenge. But I digress, after that incident ( _cough and a few more following cough_ ) no one has ever bothered me again during dinnertime. As I say down the other orphans gave me a fairly sizable area to myself considering the small size of the hall, and no one sat next to me because I had no friends.

As long as I can remember, every kid in the orphanage just annoyed me so I did not go out of my way to be friendly and in this harsh environment no one made the effort to reach out to someone who was not willing to reciprocate, looking back, I realize that I could not stand the other kids immaturity, more on that "later".

Anyways, I forced down my mildly warm tasteless mush and left to get prepared for bed. At the orphanage bedtime was at sundown and you were allowed to make noise at sunrise. God help you should you deviate from that schedule as many of my peers have discovered. Thankfully, I was smart enough to realize it the first time I witnessed someone nursing their bottom on all day chore duty.

Laying down on my bed but not going to sleep I indulged in my tradition of reviewing the day, at which point it became "later" o'clock. Desperately trying to keep silent as I choked on the sudden, world shattering revelation.

' _I-I-I've been reincarnated!?'_


	2. I Died A Hero! What Gives?

' _I- wha- how?_ ' The true enormity of today's revelation slammed into me with full force as I laid in a dark room full of sleeping children, and it took every bit of strength inside me not to scream. It was like a veil that had been clouding my vision had been forcefully ripped away. If it was ultimately cruel or kind, I was not in the right mind to say. In fact, I was not in the right mind to do anything other than desperately force down a building panic attack as I was assaulted with the memories of my previous life.

Once upon a time I went by the name Lukas Monroe and I was a high performing 20 year old college student. I was always academically successful with seemingly little effort; getting all A's in my advanced classes was a synch with the exception of math, but that wasn't a problem considering I was working toward a doctorate in doctor _ing baby._ Of course I had to get my Bachelors first. I was an only child from a white middle class American family and I went to school on a combination of my parent's money, scholarships, and the medical school I was attending being a local institution, thus discounted through a special program from my high school.

...Oh god, _my_ _parents_. I was forced to throw my head into my pillow to muffle the deeper gasps as the memory of my death slammed into me like a truck. Don't be confused by that analogy though, I didn't lose my young life via the merciless whims of Truck-kun, in truth, I think I died a rather heroic death if I do say so myself. Or at least, I would if I wasn't currently being flooded by the phantom pain of being shot.

It all happened on a normal Sunday, my parents and I were shopping for next week's groceries. To clarify, since my college of choice was local I still lived with my parents. Hey! Don't look at me like that, I ain't no freeloader. I have a part time job at the local supermarket so no matter how meager it may be I help pay bills.

Anyway we were at the register when the person in front of me pulled a gun, just my luck. It wasn't even a gas station, who robs a supermarket anyway! Naturally, everyone starts screaming and running away, the cashier freezes up and considering this was happening right in front of me and my parents, so do we. Now the guy with the gun was obviously deranged, if you couldn't tell from the fact that he was robbing. a. supermarket. Then the crazy eyes were a dead giveaway. In a clique exchange that would have been funny had it not been me standing there, Crazy Guy demanded for the cashier to "put the money in the bag". The cashier started following his demands as any sensible person would, if the situation was reversed (which it very well could have been considering that this supermarket was the one I worked at) I would have done the same, I wouldn't even consider for a second giving my life away defending a couple hundred dollars in a cash register for minimum wage so some corporate scumbags can increase their bank accounts by .00000...1%.

The cashier was following the crazy guy's demands to the best of their abilities but that wasn't good enough, go figure. It was obvious what was about to happen, or at least it was to me, and that's what matters. Before Crazy Guy could pull the trigger I hit him with a full body tackle but the gun still went off, I bet you can guess where.

All I could register was a hard slam in the chest knocking me backwards. There was more screaming and the sounds of scuffling, which I can assume in retrospect was the sound of my dad beating the crap out of the guy. The last thing I can remember is my mom sitting over and mumbling comforts we both knew couldn't be fulfilled. As blackness started filling the edges of my vision I knew what was coming, but hey, there are worse ways to go then saving the life of your best friend.

Pretty heroic right? So then can someone please explain to me who exactly I pissed off to deserve being reincarnated into the shittiest orphanage I could have ever conceived!?. Was my karma good enough for reincarnation but not good enough to have a happy childhood! Or is it cause I died for a friend instead of some random little girl and I LOST POINTS FOR NOT DYING A SELFLESS MESSIAH. To whomever is responsible for my current situation you have my sincerest gratitude, thank you and kindly go fuck yourself.

Now that all these revelations have sunken in, it would probably be a good time to evaluate my new self… if I was conscious that is. Turns out, it is not too good of an idea to hyperventilate into a pillow for extended periods of time, go figure.


	3. Panic! At the Playground

I rose at the break of dawn as I always have, a bed by an uncurtained window will do that to you. Rubbing my eyes of sleep gunk blearily, I got up with barely a word unlike everyone else in the room. With the sunrise peeking through the window those who were awake could now talk without getting into trouble and talk talk talk _talk_ they did. As I was changing into my well worn hand-me-downs, the noise and morning fatigue served to distract me from last night's revelation, but only for so long.

Suffice to say, I was glad I had not started eating yet or my breakfast would have staged a violent revolt, and this orphanage is not kind to those who make trouble. You're not supposed to notice how half the kids who go to the doctor get "surprise adopted", and if you do you're _certainly not_ supposed to comment on it.

Dark thoughts like those were not the thoughts currently occupying my mindspace as I stared at my breadlike brick however, instead the honor went to ' _HOLY SHIT, I'VE BEEN REINCARNATED, HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HO-_ ' and other such intelligent musings.

"BRATS! THOSE WITH CHORES DO THEM, EVERYBODY ELSE OUT!"

Ah the Head Matron, your unnatural screeching ability always snaps me out of whatever deep thoughts are consuming me, thank you and kindly go fuck yourself.

I numbly followed the crowd of kids outside, reasonably sure that I had no chores today, not that I would have done them if I had. I would have gladly taken whatever punishment the matrons could have delivered if it meant a moment to myself right now.

Under autopilot, I made it to my favorite spot under my favorite tree and plopped down heavily.

' _Okay breathe, take stock, what do you know, and what can you do?''_ As a (former) college student I was practically an expert at handling and working with stress. Of course, last night was an exception but can you blame me, I am _shook_. I don't even say _shook,_ that's how shook I am right now.

' _So first off I_ _ **died**_ _and have been reborn as an orphan in… wherever this is land…._

' _Breathe me! BREATHE!'_ *gasp* *gasp*

' _Moooving on I am currently about 2 years old and my name is...uhhh, oh those bitches! I don't even know my fucking name, they just refer to us as brats and I don't have any friends to call me by whatever it may be, so i never_ _ **learned**_ … _..._

_BREATHE DAMMIT! *gaaasp*_

" _God I can't keep fighting off panic attacks every five seconds, get yourself together!_ As if to spite me, the universe decides now is a good time for one of my locks of dirty blonde hair to fall in front of my eyes. ' _Oh you certainly weren't that color before….' 'NO keep going, I'm an orphan with dirty blonde hair as opposed to black now apparently and…. Oh thank god I'm still a boy. I'm so happy I don't have to angst about that in any capacity. Finally some good news.'_

' _So now that I know my situation what do I do now?...Nothing huh' 'Really? I kind of expected something to change but thinking it over i guess not. I'm an orphaned two year old in what has to be an orphanage going out of its way to be this cruel because I refuse to believe these matrons got hired on their own merit. What can i really do in this situation, tell someone about my reincarnation, who? Yea right ,if they believed me in the first place which is incredibly unlikely I would probably end up getting sold and dissected or something in whatever country this is, cause its certainly not America.'_

' _I'm pretty sure everyone is speaking some form of Japanese, and I know we have TV's ( there's a ratty one in the playroom) but i have never seen or heard of anyone owning a cell phone or car. Some cultural things are similar to Japan as well such as everyone sitting on the floor for most things, along with the occasional rice dishes with chopsticks. So I guess I'm in rural Japan or something, but even that doesn't seem right. I'm sure Japan has child services and they would have descended on this place ages ago, even if this place is in such a backwater that it was never found out by them, there is still this unknown symbol plastered everywhere of what appears to be four slanted lines. It looks so familiar, it's on the tip of m-'_

"BRATS! LUNCH TIME, GET IN HERE!"

' _Whoa was I really out here for that long already"_ Now that I was somewhat over the major shock of my entire world flipping on its axis (not), the conspicuous lack of breakfast was starting to take its toll on my already borderline malnourished kid body, despite me doing nothing but sitting and thinking all morning.

I rushed forward along with all the other orphans as I was plagued with visions of the delicious foods from my last life, only to be cruelly given a bowl of plain rice with some greyish strips of meat from god knows what animal. The real sad part though is that today was a holiday, for what I don't know, but this meal was about the best meal one would probably ever get at this prison they called an orphanage, I still remember eating this meal last year with a joyful smile on my face. Except this time It was the opposite, I ate it with a frown knowing just how lackluster it truly was.


	4. Shark at the Dinner Table

You know how I was wondering as to the origin of the "four slanted lines symbol" before I got oh so rudely interrupted by the Head Matron, well I certainly didn't have to wonder for long.

I was just sitting there eating my sad bowl of rice and meat while thinking about having literally any other dish from my old life instead of this, when all of a sudden _the table in front of me exploded into mist,_ ' _WHAT THE FUCK'_ I calmly yelled in the depths of my mind as I fell backwards in surprise, only a small yelp having left my lips.

As the resulting mist cleared, what could only be referred to as a shark man (teenager?) stood on my table with a wicked smile full of sharp teeth. "Hello kids, I'm here today to teach you about ninjas" The shark monster said in what might have been one of those fake cheery voices you use around small children. But the effect of it was totally lost on the deep ass voice that came out of his mouth. Dear lord was this guy horrifying.

As I was trying to regain my mental faculties and process the situation I was suddenly in, Mr. Sharkman continued on to say a sentence that would forever haunt me. If the game of ninja yesterday had flipped my world view, these subsequent words would proceeded to pick up my worldview and enter a triple somersault death spiral down the Mariana Trench with it, from which I would never escape the dark new reality that came with every semblance of logic I had mustered up about my new situation being launched into orbit.

"My name is Hoshigaki Kisame, and I'm here to talk to you about our great village."

' _what, What, WHAT, W H A T,_ _ **W H A T'**_

Oblivious to my brain literally melting down, Kisame continued with his oh so fun speech. "You brats are proud residents of The Village Hidden in the Mist, Kirigakure. Kiri is a ninja village see, you all like ninja right?" A few kids slowly nodded while the rest, including me, had still not picked up our dropped jaws from the entrance and suddenness of it all. "Great I think so too, in fact, I am one myself" At this, most of the kids started to shake off their shock and you could almost see sparkles appear in their eyes. It was such a kid thing to do to focus on that instead of the fact that they were standing in front of a hulking biological impossibility.

' _Oh no'_ I was suddenly overcome with a terrible dread.

" So today is your lucky day brats, see today is the anniversary of our village's founding"...I figured out the holiday" so to celebrate I'm here to tell you that you all will have the option of being ninjas of our great village."

' _Oh no no no no_ '

"In our village there exists a school for the express purpose of training prospective young ninja like yourself, there you can learn all kinds of cool jutsus and fighting skills to beat down all who would dare to stand against you. The best part though, for you lot anyway, is that all kids like you get a free pass into the academy."

' _There's the nausea"_ My stomach practically dropped to the bottom of my feet at the end of fucking _Kisame's_ little speech. All the while every other kid in the room burst into excited discussion which served to only make me sicker. They're kids, they don't know what this means; they don't know how easily they're being manipulated, hell, they probably didn't even understand half of the words he used. I suddenly wanted to say something, to warn them, being a real life ninja isn't great, its pain, heartbreak, and _murder_. But I obviously kept my thoughts to myself, not that I would have anyone I particularly wanted to tell at this very moment. The matrons are part of the system that enforces it and I have no friends among the orphans here. No way am I going to risk getting offed trying to warn any of my peers away from being a ninja, even if they are just _children,_ as I said before, I'm not a messiah; I have no desire to die again _._ Besides, I'm still trying to understand what the actual fuck is happening to spare too much thought on others.

' _Is this really happening right now_? _Is this really young Kisame from Naruto of all things?'_

"Anyway brats, I got to cut our little meeting short, I have important ninja business to get to. The matrons here will call you up to help you fill out your papers. Hahaha, I look forward to working with you all" He swept a piercing gaze over the room before abruptly looking down. Straight into my eyes. My already slightly pale countenance turned white as a sheet. He flashed me a sharp, toothy grin before he exploded into mist. As I was sitting there, pale faced and blank minded over what _the fuck_ just happened, a deep voice reached my ear. " You seem smarter than all the other fodder here kid, work hard and you just might survive."

' _I am screwed._ '

* * *

Kisame was going to kill that eyepatch bastard. How dare he make him give a speech to children, that's his job. Kisame was self aware enough of his capabilities to know that him and inspiration speeches did not mix; He was pretty sure that the speech was supposed to go on for longer than 3 minutes but the lackluster quality is Ao's fault for making him do this. Kisame was sure he cheated somehow at that card game. Kisame's poker face was perfect but he still called his bluff! Sharks can smell blood in the water from miles away and he would be a sorry excuse for a Hoshigaki if he could not smell a plot which happened right in front of him. Once he founds out how, eyepatch bastard is going to have hell to pay.

All those children were idiots, some may learn before it's too late but Kisame could easily see 99% of them being nothing but free passes to the children of ninja at graduation. Although, that one percent on the other hand. Thinking of the cowering boy he appeared in front of and the fear and dread contained within his eyes.

' _Heh, that kid knows, he doesn't fully understand it, but he has an inkling as to what being a ninja of Kirigakure truly means, impressive for one so young and disadvantaged. If that brat can turn his fear into drive he might just make it, or at least give some ninja bratling a run for his money. Ah no matter, that kid has a much greater chance of being dragged below the bloody waters of Kiri as opposed to soaring over them. But I do admit, if he makes it despite the odds I wonder what he'll be like in 20 years_.'

Shaking his head as he dashed through the forest he pushed all unnecessary thoughts from his mind. He wasn't lying to the kids, he did in fact have some important ninja business to uphold, some small town mayor didn't pay his taxes, no matter what reason he may have the crime is unforgivable. Kisame was off to teach him the price one pays for not giving the daimyo and by extension Kirigakure the respect it deserves. It would end up being a long time before the thought of that cowering boy would ever cross his mind again but rest assured, it would.


	5. I'm the Lead of my Very Own Horror Story

' _I'm in Naruto, what. the. fuck. Ho-how,_ _ **why**_ _?"_ Once again my stomach threatened to throw off the shackles of oppression and stage an armed takeover, but I have obtained quite a bit of experience in managing my stomach territory over the past two days, so I pushed it down with sheer willpower.

' _Wait wait wait just one second, aM I A SELF IN-_ '

"YOU ALL HEARD MR. KISAME, THROUGHOUT THE DAY WE WILL BE CALLING ALL YOU BRATS INTO MY OFFICE TO FILL OUT YOUR ACADEMY FORMS, SO YOU BETTER PAY ATTENTION YOU LITTLE SHITS OR NO DINNER! NOW OUT YOU GO!"

So for the second time today I numbly walked out with the crowd, straight to my favorite spot under my favorite tree, plopping heavily down and managing to smack my head on the trunk behind me with a painful _thump._

"Godmizuhfreakadepooiuhhjfftd, sssiiiggghhh" I yelled then sighed, drawing me quite a few looks.

' _Well now that I have gotten that out of my system it is time to reevaluate my entire existence once again, I sure hope this doesn't become a repeat occurrence… fuck. Okay alright okay, evaluate the information you have, make plans, I believe in you me!'_

' _Thanks me. So first off, you're in Naruto, the goddamn anime series from your first life, somehow.'_ The real life shark guy who appeared in front of me was very convincing of this fact. If I hadn't died and been literally reincarnated I would have thought I was on some very elaborate prank show but 2 years of memory have discounted that possibility, no matter how much I wish it were so.

' _So shark guy was Kisame, Itachi's cool ass Akatsuki partner and all around badass, possessing enough chakra to be called a tailless tailed beast and owner of the shark sword thing that can eat chakra. He obviously looked different in the fact that he wasn't animated but he also looked kind of like an older teenager and he obviously wasn't part of Akatsuki yet. So that tells me I'm... somewhere in the timeline._

' _Oh goddamnit! The Naruto timeline is an utter clusterfuck, not only has it been 2 years and a lifetime ago since I thought about the series, I was never that big of a fan of it anyway. I only watched the anime but I skipped all the fillers and stopped around the beginning of the Hokage Summit thing. If I would have known this would happen I would have consumed every piece of Naruto media I could have gotten my hands on, but hindsight is 20/20 I guess. On the bright side I have spoiled myself on the series so I know the ending…_

' _FUCK, THE ENDING! Holy shit the ending, I don't want to be assimilated by Alien Rabbit Moon Bitch_ ™ _! Wait, double fuck!, I live in the same universe as Madara "what about the other one" Uchiha. Should I just commit suicide now and save them the trouble!?'_

' _CALM DOWN LUKAS YOU'RE BEING HYSTERICAL'_

' _NO, YOU'RE BEING HYSTERICAL!'_

' _I KNOW!'_

' _Hahahahahahaaaaagghh. Oh don't worry Lukas, Kaguya and Madara are probably years away and as long as you don't interfere with the plot too much then Naruto will handle it. No, what you should be worried about is that fact that you live in Kiri; you know, the place so shitty that other ninjas, literal professional killers for hire, publicly condemn it for its brutality and refer to it in fear as the Bloody Mist.'_

' _Okay what other wonderful facts do you remember about Kiri? Well Zabuza and his huge sword also came from here. The Hokage or Mizukage, right? Yea, pretty sure Hokage is a Konoha thing. Anyway, IIRC the Mizukage is under some kind of genjutsu that makes him super evil or something courtesy of Obi Tobi for some reason I can't for the literal life of me remember. Or was it just never elaborated on? Hmmmm I wouldn't put it past good ol'Kishimoto to leave out something like that considering everything else he never elaborates on. It was funny to comment on the fact when it was only a story but now his gratuitous asspull power ups and terrible writing decisions are my life and I'm_ _ **scared**_ '

_What else what else, uhh, oh yea Haku! Wasn't he a victim of some kind of bloodline purge thing that Kiri went through? Wow now I'm torn between wanting a bloodline or not, I mean I will probably be completely useless late game without a magic eyeball or living nuke in my stomach, but if I get those things I'll be brutally hunted and subsequently murdered by my home country or an international terrorist group, not that those things might not happen anyway. Oh the joys of being on the same planet as the Bloody Mist and Hidan._

_Ok game plan time, because your previous tentative plan of coasting it out here until 18 is null and void. First off, I need to think about what I'm going to do when I get called into the Head M-'_ I was then violently and literally ripped out of my thoughts by an iron grip on my arm yanking me up from my favorite spot; speak of the devil and she will appear in a flurry of fire and brimstone. I found myself faced with my own mortality once more in this life as I stared at the thunderous expression of the Head Matron.

"Boy" She said in a dangerously low voice.

Considering the fact that in the two years I have been here I have never heard her speak below 100 decibels, much less refer to me as anything other than brat, I figured that now was a good time to start praying

' _In the name of the Hagoromo, The Sharingan, and the Indra Spirit._ '

"I have been calling for you for the past _10 minutes."_

' _May you bless me with an OP eyeball of my own in anime equivalent heaven'_

' _ **Speak**_ _**boy, what do you have to say for yourself'**_

' _No! I can't die here, not to you at least! If I'm going to go down it will be to the 3rd meteor summoned by Madara-sama, think fast!"_

"Uhhh" ' _Think faster damnit!' "_ I-I don't know my name" ' _Nailed it.'_

The Head Matron honestly looked taken aback by this, but only for a second. I swear the moon could turn into a giant eyeball and she would only raise an eyebrow.

"Hm" She narrowed her eyes at me, before morphing her face back into it's usual scowl at a speed that would have made the Yellow Flash jealous. She released my arm and spun on her heel striding back to the orphanage. I wiped the sweat coating my forehead in relief at having survive what was likely the most dangerous encounter of _both_ of my lives

"BRAT!' I heard her yell from the doorway to the orphanage.

"Coming, Matron-san!" I yelled back as I dashed after her into the building. How did she get so far in such little time!?


	6. Chapter 6

Following The Head Matron into her office I was immediately struck by how ratty it was; the orphanage itself was ratty of course, but I kind of expected the Head Matron's working quarters to be… well better than this.

It was a small room with peeling paint, a few black and white pictures hung on the wall of what I can only assume was the orphanage in its heyday, and the cabinets looked like they were on their last legs both literally and figuratively. A massive flag with the Kiri symbol on it covered the wall behind her desk and it was the only thing in the room that was in pristine condition. My eyes briefly roamed said desk for a name plate of any sort so I could finally learn what the woman's freaking name is, alas it was not to be for her desk was completely bare save for a pen holder full of simple black pens. Though with this being a ninja village they could probably shoot poisoned needles for all I knew.

Anyway, the old hag strode to her cracking desk and sat down in the raggedy chair behind it without a word, while I took the hint and sat down in the only other chair in the room, which was clichély situated right in front of her desk. It made a creaking groan as I put my wait on it and I held my breath expecting it to crash backwards onto the floor, but a moment later it held and I breathed out an exaggerated sigh of relief

"Ahem"

"S-sorry Matron-san" I awkwardly stammered. I _just_ walked in with her. How could I have forgotten she was there that quickly, curse you goldfish attention span!

"Shimizu Satoshi" She said in a harsh tone

"Shimizu-san" I amended.

"That's your name" She harshly corrected me with narrowed eyes.

"S-s-s" I tried to stammer out yet another apology before she mercilessly cut me off.

"Shut it brat" She stated in a harsh voice, that on second thought might just be what her neutral voice sounds like.

She then proceeded to rifle through her desk drawer and pulled out a small stack of papers which she then placed in front of me. I looked at what appeared to be a profile of me considering the blonde haired baby picture on the top right of the front page. The papers were written in presumably Japanese, and I just realized with mild embarrassment that I can't read Maybe Japanese. I got a pass in the language department because I learned it during the period of time I was just a smarter than average orphan and the knowledge passed over post reincarnation revelation, but ignorant orphan me was never taught to read, uh oh. Language was never my strong suit, the foreign language credits one had to possess to graduate high school were nearly the end of me.

"The paper at the bottom of the stack has a blank box at the bottom, all you need to do is make a checkmark in it and you will be on your way to being a ninja." The Matron said in what was an obviously practiced manner; shaking me out of my thoughts for the nth time like she was born for the purpose. Also yes, the harsh tone appears to be her base voice.

A checkmark though? For a contract? Shouldn't I sign my name, oh wait duh. I'm being dumb. We're all illiterate orphans, we don't know how to read much less write, it makes total sense that they would go for something so simple as a checkmark for what is basically a formalit- pay attention stupid she's holding out a pen for you!

Taking the pen from her outstretched arm I noted her unconcealed, annoyed face and blushed a deep red which heavily contrasted with my naturally pale skin. ' _Lukas- I mean Satoshi! I got to get used to that, I am no longer Lukas I am -arrrg focus you scatterbrain, you have things to do!_ ' I could feel the blush creep its way up to my ears.

Taking the papers and flipping to the back page, I was suddenly crushed with the realization of what I was about to do. By making this checkmark I would basically be selling my soul to a glorified group of government sponsored assassins, that is if I lived through their "orientation" first.

' _I don't want to spend the rest of my life as a killer for hire, think fast!'_

"Ummm, Matron-san the truth is I don't really want to be a ninja, I want to ummm...be like you!" I blurted.

' _ **W h a t**_ ' I internally cringed at the words coming out of my mouth to such a degree that mind me looked like a wrinkled raisin.

The Head Matron's face took on a disbelieving look which would have been funny if it hadn't been directed at me. I can't say I blame her though because _I_ can hardly believe me right now.

' _Why did i say that!? Welp I've dug my grave, time to lay in it. Bullshit improv skills don't fail me now!'_

"Yeah, I wanna be a matron like you, theee l-love and care " ' _really me!' "_ you all give me is sooo nice, and I wanna be like you instead of some dumb ninja. There's no way ninjas are as cool as you guys."

' _Too thick! You laid it on too thick Lu-Satoshi!'_

The Head Matron's face became even more disbelieving before she quickly schooled her expression into a much more appraising one. Now intensely staring down at me without a word.

Her eyes felt like they were peering straight into my soul and it was horrifying. I started sweating buckets and found my body had completely tensed up. After what felt like forever she finally opened her mouth to say…

"You're smart Shimizu-san, you always have been. You're observant, mature, and a quick learner; I would hate for a talent like you to be wasted on matroning of all things. Check the box Shimizu-san."

A violent chill went up my already damp back as I started into her merciless eyes. I had a revelation as some certain words I had heard just earlier today flashed into my mind.

' _That's right isn't it; ALL orphans get a free pass to the academy. Kisame said it himself. This orphanage's express purpose is pumping out academy students, isn't it? That's why it's so terrible here, that's why the matrons are so mean, and why conflict is so readily encouraged. Thinking back on it I never did get in trouble for knocking out Ryo's tooth, never even got a disapproving glance, yet I have seen countless others get into deep trouble for breaking the no noise before sun up rule. It's all for some twisted goal of toughening us up. So we can be "the best ninjas we can be", by Kiri standards at least. Remorseless killers with absolute loyalty who always follow orders, that's what they want. Encouraging conflict is the first step into making us killers, harsh punishments for breaking the rules is the first step towards making sure we always follow orders. And this… this box,_ _ **this box**_ _which I viewed as nothing more than a formality is the first step towards making us loyal. Kirigakure has no need for a shinobi without all three criteria. If I refuse to check this box well… I have no doubt that the "wasted" in the Matron's warning will take on a whole new meaning. There are no children ages three and up here after all.'_

Contrary to all my recent ponderings from the last two days, my thoughts for this one were formed at lightning speeds. Without further ado. I went and checked the box without hesitation. It was a choice between dying now for sure and dying later for maybe. You better believe that I will pick the latter option ten out of ten times. I have already died once in the past two days and I refuse to let it happen again so soon. The moral implications of ninjahood be damned, that's a problem for future me.

Nodding, the Head Matron took my papers as I got up to dismiss myself.

"You're young and smart Shimizu-san, my hands are bothering me today so I probably won't give my superior a fully detailed report on all the meetings I had with today's kids, growing old is such a pain. Since a young brat like you wants to be a matron so much though, I certainly wouldn't mind showing you a thing or two tomorrow."

In the doorway I went stiff as a board; a thousand thoughts racing through my mind.

"A reminder as well brat, since you did not show up when I expressly called for you earlier, it's no dinner for you tonight. I expect you to go straight to bed when I call everyone in."

"Y-yes Matron-san."

"Get out brat, I have more kids than you to talk to and I'm already behind schedule due to your antics" She said as she started flipping through her drawer papers once more.

She didn't have to tell me twice. I speed walked down the hallway and as soon as I stepped outside I bolted. I did not even go to my favorite spot, instead beelining towards the misty forest surrounding the orphanage. I went a ways inside it until I stopped and collapsed to the ground, my back to an old tree. Taking a few shuddering breaths, I tried to regain my calm that was thoroughly lost with the Matron's parting words.

' _That was code right? Please be code'_ I plead to the Sage.

' _I don't think I misinterpreted it. When she said she would not give a fully detailed report to her superiors she meant she would not tell them about my apparently painfully transparent desire to not be ninja, right?...please. I willingly checked the box Kiri government, I swear!'_

' _Just forget it Lu-SATOSHI; just forget it Satoshi there's nothing you can do. If you get assassinated in your sleep tonight it would have been unavoidable, so put it out of your mind. Instead what you should be thinking about is why the Matron wants to see you tomorrow.'_ My imagination went into overdrive coming up with numerous outlandish and terrible reasons she could have for calling on me, before I finally landed on…

' _SHE'S NOT A PEDOPHILE RIGHT!?' She didn't give me any of those vibes...but she did stare at me rather intently a few ti- no! That was just because you were taking forever because you're the living embodiment of ADHD. Stop theorycrafting and start focusing on your game plan. Becoming a ninja is practically set in stone for you by now so you need to start thinking about the implications.'_

' _On the bright side, you will have a chance to defend yourself if you get targeted by any of the several human shaped demigods running around, though you would be very unlikely to actually win unless you spontaneously develop some special eyeball or cool kekkei genkai.'_

' _I wonder if I do have one of those actually; in the Naruto fanfiction I read in my previous life it could go either way if a self insert would get a cool kekkei genkai or not. Granted they usually had a clan technique to use if they didn't but considering I'm an orphan I'm not going to hold my breath for that. Actually, I need to find a mirror, this is anime land and everybody in a family looks almost the exact same, and they for sure possess the same hair color so I could probably deduce if I have some bloodline from whatever I look like. Practically the only thing I do know is that my hair is an odd shade of dirty blonde, so I guess no sharingan for me at least.'_ Struggling not to pout at the fact that I most likely will not possess the most op (and coolest) power in the series, my thoughts began to turn towards the much more glaring downsides.

' _Welp on the other not so brightside, I will be becoming a ninja; along with everything that entails_.' The darker side of being a ninja was shown pretty much only through the Wave arc with Zabuza and Haku, and Danzo later on. The rest of the series was basically huge boss fights with the Akatsuki, who are very much the exception to the norm, and angsting over Sasuke.

Sure everybody and their mother had a depressing backstory, but those usually had nothing to do with the actual job and instead had everything to do with the shitty people who populated this universe, which is a different problem in and of itself.

I've read enough angsty fanfiction to have a good idea of what is to come. I expect lots of training, killing, and high stakes combat in my future which is going to be very much not fun. Not to mention that I'm going to Kiri's academy which means I'm going to have to pass their graduation ceremony, i.e. a fight to the death with one of my classmates. Granted, I could be post Zabuza, and the barbaric graduation ceremony I'm most certainly going to be losing sleep over could have already been discontinued, but, with my luck, yea right. If anything my situation is going to be worse than I can imagine.

Judging by Kisame's appearance I am still a ways off from episode 1 of Naruto but on account of Kisame being a shark person it is really hard to pin down an age. He could have been 15 or he could have been 25, and in a world where someone can go from catching a cat to killing a god in four years max; ten years is a huge amount of time.

So first things first. Chakra. That beautiful, beautiful God Tree Juice™ that is simultaneously going to give me a fighting chance in this fucked up universe, and damn me because it's the thing that's fucking the universe in the first place.

Now, courtesy of Kishimoto and his non-existent world building skills, I have no idea where to even begin with "unlocking" it. Most self insert fics have the insertee being born with it along with the added bonus of them being a sensor but that is obviously not the case here. I don't feel any different at all, my MP stores are not only empty, the bar isn't even there in the first place. Now for some of the fics I remember that is the case as well, and the main character unlocked their chakra through meditation or something. Now I could try to do that but the question is, should I?

Firstly, is unlocking my chakra a safe process? I imagine it is but what if I do it wrong and explode or something. Secondly, is chakra itself safe? Kiri is a horrible place that only cares about strength, so I would imagine that unlocking chakra would be one of the first things they would teach here at this orphanage whose express purpose seems to be pumping out ninja unless there is some kind of downside to doing it. Thirdly, and most importantly, how would I explain it? The Head Matron barely let me off today when I appeared to use my intellect to deduce that being a ninja wasn't so great but if I were to show up with chakra on the next day? That would be super sus. Sure I could say I went into meditation to "calm down" or whatever and happened to unlock it and she may even believe me, but there is an equally probable outcome of her dragging me off to Kiri T&I just in case I got replaced by a foreign nin. Or deciding the risk of insubordination from me combined with my talent makes me "too dangerous to be kept alive".

So all in all I'm just going to wait until they teach us in the academy how to unlock chakra, but that doesn't mean I can't do anything now. I need to stop sitting on my butt every day and get to training. Be it by running laps or playing with the other kids I'm going to try to build up as much muscle as I can within moderation of course, I am only two after all. I was never big on working out in my last life so I was in pretty bad shape but then again working out was never life or death either.

Since I was aiming to be a doctor in my previous life (and possessing common sense) I know that a kid as young as me should in no way be deliberately building muscle but I think it is pretty evident that the humans here are a little different from the norm; my guess is that even when not unlocked, chakra changes the body in subtle ways. I'm not an expert on children so don't quote me on this, but I'm pretty sure all the orphans here are much smarter than the average 1-3 year olds of my previous life. Not to mention that geniuses capable of slaying scores of adults at freaking six abound and I will have to be one of them to even think about standing a chance here.

 _'So, current objective, get training'_ Okay, so what would be the best way to sta-

"BRATS! DINNER TIME!"

Ahh, there's the Matron I know and hate. I almost forgot that she banned me from dinner, and now that I've been reminded I realize just how _hungry_ I am. I lost my appetite at breakfast so I didn't eat, Kisame appeared at lunch after I had only taken a few bites causing me to spend the rest of lunch trying not to vomit that little bit from fear. And now I don't get dinner. Have I mentioned yet that I am toeing the line of malnourishment. In my state missing one meal will leave me ravenous, much less three. But I got to suck it up; I have a one-on-one with the Matron tomorrow and I do not want to piss her off further today by deliberately ignoring her punishment.

So off to bed I went, plagued by horrible hunger pangs. Not fun. Laying in my bed which was quiet for once without the tossing and turning of young bodies in my surroundings, I suddenly found myself with a bone deep exhaustion. I didn't do anything today other than think but I was _tired._ Despite the clawing hunger and imminent doom of my situation, I found it a struggle to keep my eyes open, thus I decided to turn in. I should probably be using this time to plan more, to try and remember any possible detail from Naruto that could increase my odds of survival even if it was by a percent of a percent, but today was a long day and I just need to rest. Those problems will be for future me to deal with...


	7. Head Matron Redemption Arc?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read the reviews and I can definitely see how my MC is monologuing too much. The next two or so chapters will still have quite a bit of monologuing but that is just because I am trying to set up the groundwork. By the time it is over it should be full swing into the academy which I'm hoping will feature a lot more action and skill development.
> 
> I can totally see how the MC seems whiny with his constant panic attacks and I will try to tone it down to only the most important of important, panic worthy revelations from here on out.
> 
> Regardless thanks for the reviews!
> 
> Also I have tried to manage ages according to canon but I have just given up. Ao at the moment is about 20 and I also made Kisame way older than his anime self by accident, whoops. Expect more age shenaniganry to come, if you all even care about that.
> 
> Yet another thing is that the base idea for this work is very much inspired by "The Bloody Oracle of Kiri" by CannibalisticApple, but I'm trying really hard to make it different even though some of the plot points might be similar. That out of the way, TBOoK is a great fic, I highly suggest reading it.

Waking up to the sun in your eyes is never pleasant but it is effective. Sitting up with a wordless yawn I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, unlike yesterday though I was not spared from the knowledge of my current circumstances with outside distractions. I was immediately hit with the knowledge of where exactly I was and what my situation was like a ton of bricks, causing me to let out a self deprecating chuckle.

' _Face the day with a smile Lukas, the universe might just decide to give you .00000000000000001% of Naruto's plot armor if you do. Sigh Satoshi, my name's Satoshi now, god dammit'_ I thought as unshed tears started to glisten in my eyes.

' _No, no crying, not here, not now, not ever. This world is not kind to criers_.' Wiping my eyes with my sleeve I got up to change out of my threadbare pajamas into my equally threadbare shorts and t-shirt.

Breakfast was always ready to be served at sunrise and it lasted for approximately thirty minutes, if you missed it then it was completely on you. Suffice to say, my hunger was worse than ever so I used some of that reputation I had built up for the first time ever to basically shove myself to the front of the line. It was honestly a little amusing to see the other kids shrink back from my kid glare, their words of protest dying in their throat.

The bread they served us was still a brick masquerading as a meal but it was easily the best tasting brick I ever had. It didn't fill me up completely and my stomach yearned for more but it would tide me over till lunch

"BRATS! THOSE WITH CHORES DO THEM, EVERYBODY ELSE OUT!" The Matron commenced with her first screech of the day. Different from usual though was when she made explicit eye contact with me before turning on her heel and striding to her office.

A chill went up my spine. I almost forgot about our "matron training session today"...not, how could I forget that. It was the first thing that came into my mind when I woke up today but I was too hungry to start imagining what its purpose is. Now that I have some food in my belly though, my mind once more went to overdrive as to what this meeting could be about. I inevitably landed on the same conclusion as yesterday.

' _She really isn't a pedophile right? I'm not falling for the ninja world equivalent of the candy in the van by going to her office for a "one-on-one meeting" right? Stop it S-Satoshi you're being paranoid._

I gulped as I wiped the saliva off my hands from the crumbs I had vacuumed off of them. I then proceeded to get up and follow HM to her office for the second time in my young life.

The office was still as ratty as it was yesterday but it was also 10x more ominous. The light shining from the windows came in at an angle that bathed the Head Matron behind her desk in darkness, like a crime boss in a comic book.

"Brat"

"Y-yes Matron-san" I cowered. It turns out that it's actually even more terrifying when you can't see her expression.

"You told me yesterday that you want to be a matron right.' She said in a tone that conveyed how much it wasn't a question.

"O-of course Matron-san, I am incredibly grateful for all you've done for us" I bootlicked.

"Mmhmm, since that is the case I suppose you won't mind repaying our hospitality then" She said with the tone conveying once more how there was only one correct answer.

"Of course not Matron-san" I said resigned to my fate of whatever this was going to be. Turns out I didn't have to wonder for long

"Good good" she said as she reached down under her desk and pulled out a crate full of small glass bottles of unknown liquid. If I had to guess as to what they were I would say baby formu-

"You know where the childcare room is right brat?' She asked in what was genuinely a questioning tone, at least for her anyway.

My stomach dropped as I didn't need the sharingan to see where this was going.

"Yes Matron-san" I said for the 50 gazillionth time like a broken record on repeat.

"Excellent" she said in what could have passed for a perfect Mr. Burns impression. "Then take this crate of baby formula and go feed them. Bring me back the box when you're done."

"Fuck you Matron-san"

Jk I value my life, what I really said was "Yes Matron-san" to the surprise of exactly no one, all the while exerting maximum effort to keep the vitriol out of my voice at risk of instant death.

Picking up the surprisingly light crate (or am I just surprisingly strong? Pfft yeah no) I left her office and made my way to the childcare room. I don't even know why she asked me if I knew the way, the sounds of screaming babies were a dead giveaway. Entering into the room, the noise only got louder and more annoying. To my surprise there were none of the other matrons in there, I bet that bitch HM gave them the day off to make me suffer. Setting the crate down I picked up a bottle hoping there were some kind of instructions on it but no dice.

"Trial by fire it is then." I deadpanned.

 _Sigh,_ today's going to be a long day.

* * *

"Aaaaand finished" I exclaimed, putting the last baby down in the now somewhat quieter room full of fed children.

"Did you burp them?" The Head Matron asked from her position in the doorway

I whirled around in shock only for her words to sink in a moment later causing me to fall to my knees in despair with a solid _thump._ The motion rocking the crib I was next to and setting off a chain reaction of wailing that made the room even louder than when I came in. I fought the urge to scream with them. When I looked up from the ground the Matron had already disappeared

' _Goddamnfriggadibbasuper bitch. Siiiiggghhh. Now how do you burp babies again?'_

* * *

' _Finally! I'm done for real._ ' This time I learned my lesson and refrained from saying that out loud thus avoiding a jinx. Wiping sweat off my brow, _hey,_ you try holding thirty or so squirming babies for hours on end without breaking a sweat. At least it's not hot here. You would think that with all the mist around it would be humid as hell but the mist is actually refreshingly cool and blocks out all of the sun's rays except for those in the morning for some reason, to my chagrin.

Sweat wiped, I proceeded to book it out of the room with the crate. I would have gone crazy if I stayed in that room a second longer than necessary.

Bounding down the hall I reached the Head Matron's office, who's door was open. Popping my head in with a tentative "Hello Matron-san" I moved to put the box on her desk then book it out of here. But before I could she raised a hand to stop me.

' _Oh sonnuva-_ '

"Not so fast brat, follow me" The Matron said as she placed down the papers she was reading, stood up, and walked to the door in her signature stride.

Before I could even make a sound of protest she passed me and went out the door.

"H-hey wait Matron-san" I squeaked as I stumbled after her "What about lunch?"

"You already missed lunch brat" She remarked in her plain voice, as if she hadn't just ruined my day.

' _What! I must not have heard her lunch screech over the wailing infants'_

Silently cursing her lineage for 10 generations to come, I trailed behind her. A nearly visible storm cloud of sadness hanging over my head.

Eventually we reached...the kitchen?

Yep, looking at all the cooking utensils and ingredients scattered about it was obvious as to where we were. HM gestured for me to put the crate full of empty bottles on a counter and I obliged; the lingering smell of food in the room making the storm cloud turn even darker.

"Now brat you're going to help me remake the baby formula"

My depression at the moment was so strong I didn't even give my usual response, instead I just moved to stand beside her. HM either didn't notice my lack of verbal reply or just didn't care as she reached above the cabinet and pulled out various large jugs full of liquids and various empty bowls.

"Now pay attention brat"

I looked up from the floor to see her gesturing to a jug.

"Do you know what this says?" She asked as I looked to see her pointing at maybe Japanese symbols.

' _Of course not you fucking bitch you never taught us how to read!'_ I thought but didn't say.

"No Matron-san, what is it?" I said but didn't think.

"Humph" She grunted in reply "This is dish soap, it's harmful to consume so don't use it for anything other than cleaning the dishes" and with that she put it back into the cabinet.

' _Wait what?'_

"These", she gestured to two different colored jugs "are bleach and ammonia, you should never mix them; when combined in their raw form they make a poison gas. On their own though, they are used to clean different kinds of things. Because we have nothing to clean at the moment we aren't going to be using them at this time." At that she put the two colored jugs back into the cabinet with the dish soap.

' _No way is she really?'_

"Pay attention brat! To start off with we will be using vegetable oil derived from the…' _she is, isn't she?_ '... found predominantly in the Land of Grass and… ' _she's teaching me!?'_

At this revelation I perked up from my slump and hung onto every word. After who knows how long we finally finished making the baby formula and I learned how to "avoid" making about 25 different poisons, as well as the habitat, preparation method, and visual description for several different edible plants. Along with other miscellaneous knowledge. As we were filling the bottles I reflected over our time together and felt like I had just gone through a college lecture, HM never stopped talking once to see if I was following along or picking up the information she was giving out. It was almost like she was talking to herself the whole time, but I, who was a straight A college once upon a time, drank it up like a camel at an oasis.

"All done brat" HM said as she picked up the last bottle and put it into the crate. She then proceeded to pick up said crate and move to the door. Before she actually left the kitchen though she stopped and said…

"In the cabinet to the right there should be some leftover bread from breakfast, It's about to go stale, throw it out"

I nearly burst into tears of happiness right there. ' _Message received Matron-san!_ '

Not even bothering to look at me, she went out the door with one more remark.

"I expect to see you tomorrow in my office at the same time brat."

"Yes Matron-san!" I replied. But unlike all the other times I have done so today, this was said with respect.

As I started to devour the bread from the cabinet I was full of an emotion that had been conspicuously absent for the past few days; hope.

' _The future is coming up Satoshi'_ I thought as I finished the bread and ran to the playground. ' _I have to get some laps in before dinner.'_


	8. Time Skip, Academy start, Hotel Trivago

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Lots of monologuing this chapter, but it should be the last big monologue chapter in this fic. It is also why I did a double release today.

What followed was a year of increasingly elaborate teaching sessions disguised as childcare. Not only did I learn a lot about plants and poisons, but I also developed sneaking skills and increased my dexterity among many others.

My least favorite but arguably most useful lesson of them all was when the Matron gave me the task of changing the baby's diapers. At first I simply did it, but then she started making me do it faster and faster so we could get to my other "duties". At first I needed to do them all in an hour, then forty minutes, then thirty, all the way down to five minutes. It was a lot like the Karate Kid. My hand eye coordination, hand speed, and reflexes are much better now than they were before due to all the "chores" I was given.

Eventually I got so good at it that she added a new stipulation, I must not wake the sleeping kids up when I do it and that was a whole nother beast. It took me 2 months to successfully change a diaper without the baby awakening, but my skills only grew from the difficulty of it. I learn best when trying to figure out a solution for Matron-san quickly figured that out.

The absolute peak of that particular lesson pushed me to the extreme in that regard. Matron-san specially allowed me to stay up past bedtime to change the diapers. In the end I had to do it all in 5 minutes while not waking a single baby, and let me tell you, creaking floors+ dark room+ sleeping babies do not mix well. On the bright side, that exercise has made me sneakier and quieter than ever before, now I barely make a noise as I ghost through the equally creaky hallways, much to the terror of my peers.

Me and Matron-san usually don't spend all day together, mostly just the first half, the rest is free time for me.

Because I basically fill the role of a matron now, I don't have any regular chores anymore, but all this is not to say that I've been slacking. In fact I'm more active than ever before, doing laps from the end of lunch to the beginning of dinner is the name of the game. You would be surprised how far and how fast my almost 3 year old self can run now without breaking a sweat. In my previous life, I always liked running but I never did it much. Now I do it every day, and while it isn't that fun to go to sleep dripping in sweat (here at the orphanage we only take a dip in the nearby river about once a week to wash off) it does carry a certain satisfaction with it, going to sleep knowing that I'm just a little stronger than I was the day before is very emotionally satisfying.

This training regimen I'm on is strict, with Matron-san working my brain and finer skills sunrise to lunch while I work my body from lunch to sunset. If it was my old life I would have quit by now, but there's nothing like the possibility of looming death as a motivator.

The working relationship between me and the Matron-san is practically unchanged from our first lesson, with her calling me brat, spouting out knowledge in the most obvious of ways, and telling me to do something while I reply with a "yes Matron-san" followed by doing the thing. Unlike our first meeting though, I now possess nothing but respect for her. I'm pretty sure she's a retired ninja, kinda obvious when you think about it, there's no other way she would possess so much knowledge or create such an effective lesson plan to teach the skills I am certain I will need. She also walks down hallways way faster than an old woman like her has any business doing. So yeah, retired ninja, possibly the scariest kind of ninja because she's waded through this cutthroat world and _lived._

All in all, my days were full training and learning. And I can confidently say that I am about as ready for the academy as I will ever be.

The day was finally here, it was the first day of July and the official start of the academy semester. On a related note, last month between lectures the Matron enlightened me on why there are no orphans older than three here. Apparently, unlike Konoha, the academy at Kiri is dorm based, and all prospective ninja move into it at the age of three, so mystery solved.

Another fun fact I learned is that the speech Kisame gave us is something that happens every four years, so that explains why I did not remember it happening last year and why none of the kids seemed to know about the academy. Talk about efficiency though, geeze.

In light of that I sat under my favorite tree for what could possibly be the last time; me and the tree haven't kept in touch very much over the past year as I spent most of my time out in the playground running laps, but today I decided to lay under it and take a break. From what I "overheard" of the Head Matron's coincidental mumbling, a ninja is supposed to come up here around lunch and take all the three year olds to the academy. I don't know if it will be the same person as last year because i missed the guy on account of my matron duties.

Eventually a figure approaches from down the road. As...he drew closer I could just make out a head of blue hair spiking straight up. As he got even closer I could also just discern that he had an eyepatch. This guy seems familiar but I can't put my finger on it, probably a Naruto side character then. He's certainly unique enough for it.

"BRATS THREE AND UP GET IN A LINE AND GREET YOUR NEW INSTRUCTOR" Matron-san yelled in a voice that has become quite endearing once I got to know how much of a softie she is inside. Weeelll softie is a stretch, more like someone who tolerates my existence.

There was something I had begun to notice as my "first year" here in this world progressed. It wasn't obvious at the beginning because of the all encompassing fear of my future as a professional killer looming overhead, but as the terror started to fade (not to say it went away though, only faded) I began to realize that I was getting lonely. I want to make friends here but I can't stand the kids around me, not to mention even if I do I will most likely have to kill them at the academy's mockery of a graduation. But even still...

' _What if I made friends outside of my class? Would I still end up pitted agai-_ ' A chill went up my spine that I recognized all too well. Turning to see the matron giving me her death glare which honestly wasn't much different from her base expression, I realized that she asked us to form a line and that the kids were almost done while I was still under the tree on the other side of the playground.

Realizing my error, I dashed forward using my new and improved speed stat to reach the line as soon as the last kid did, thanking Matron-san in my head for her bout of uncharacteristic kindness. That glare was something she perfected over our year together to bring me out of my inattentive states, which was something she had to employ often; though never without a punishment of some sort appearing later in the lesson. I still shiver remembering the time she made me go the whole week carrying Shark Bite because I ruined a batch of baby formula while in one of my enraptured musings. Shark Bite was easily the most unruly baby of the bunch. The kid was in possession of actual shark teeth and loved to use them; I still have a few scars from that period.

Anyway, the instructor, seeing my impressive-for-a-three-year-old burst of speed, raised his uneyepatched blue eyebrow.

' _Whoops, well there goes my choice'_ I thought while awkwardly smiling back at him.

Over the past year I have not actually had much time to myself to think, thanks in part to Matron-san's daily teachings and my harsh exercise regiment. Now I know what you're thinking, why not contemplate your future while running or lifting weights or whatever it is you did during the timeskip? The reason, imaginary person asking this question, is that apparently I'm the kind of person who loses themselves in a workout. This means that once I start going through the monotonous exercises, all the thoughts leave my mind and I just end up going with the flow, _man_.

On the positive side of things, it makes my workouts act as therapy sessions and considering that I'm a lonely orphan in a violent ninja world I'm going to need all the therapy sessions I can get. It also makes my workouts very easy, if I wanted to I could train all day without complaint, which I imagine is going to be a very useful personality trait in the coming years. On the negative side of things, it has become all I can do to keep my memory of the timeline and characters of Naruto fresh.

Seeing as I don't have any writing utensils, I have had to use a different method to jog my memory. As soon as I finish eating dinner I head to bed and partake in my daily ritual of reviewing the day, followed by reciting Naruto facts until I go I fall asleep which is usually extremely quickly considering my exhausted state. Recitation of Naruto knowledge before bed is not the most sound of methods to retain my knowledge, but it's really the best I got. Even if I did have writing utensil I would not use them because I'm an orphan who has never been properly taught how to write and it would be way too sus to start writing in a completely foreign language complete with its own alphabet.

All of this is to say that I have been living day to day and barely thinking about the specifics of my future at all. On the rare occasions I can spare the time to contemplate on what my future actions should be, I have gotten stuck on the question of if I should hide my capabilities or not. In favor of hiding my capabilities is the fact that I would spend the same amount of time as everyone else per grade thus allowing me more time to grow.

Now I don't want to toot my own horn but I'm pretty sure I qualify as a genius, not just because of me being a 20 year old in a 3 year old's body but because I aced all my classes in my previous life (except math, _fuck math_ ) and now my natural genius is being enhanced by my reincarnated knowledge. On the flip side, I can't act for shit, case in point I have already revealed to my instructor how above average I am within five seconds of being in his general vicinity.

Now the question becomes should I downplay my ability or not. There are benefits to being known as a genius such as special treatment, better instructors, and not being bored out of my mind should we go over something the matron taught me already (because I'm pretty sure she went through most of the early academy curriculum and probably some of the advanced ones as well. Heck we even went hunting a few times). Not to mention I can show off here without worrying about someone like Danzo showing up and kidnapping me. The closest Kiri has to a Danzo equivalent is our very own Mizukage who has practically turned the Village into ROOT anyway, so if I do show off I may end up impressing the boss man. Though that could be just as much of a bad thing as it is a good thing.

I'm also reasonably sure that while Kiri is super blood thirsty, they shouldn't be too stupid right? They are one of the Five Great Ninja Villages after all, so I would imagine that they make sure that those prodigies aiming to graduate early wont get offed during graduation to someone who is only equally skilled due to them being older. You know what, thinking about it, the path of the prodigy seems like the way to go. Yea let's live a little; until given a specific reason to do otherwise, I'm going to show off my ability and graduate early.

"-ur village proud." Our future instructor finished.

' _...fuck, I hope there wasn't anything important in that.'_ I unsubtly glanced toward Matron-san to see if she would throw me a bone here.

' _Did she just roll her eyes at me!?'_ That's literally the most expression I've ever seen on her face.

The blue haired teacher then proceeded to turn around and start walking back down the misty road back in the direction he came in. All the orphans moved to follow him, so I guess I'll follow as well. Glancing back at the shitty orphanage that I have spent the last year of my life (well three, but the memories I obtained from my reincarnation caused the ones that came before them to kind of… disconnect) I was suddenly overcome with emotion. Sure the living conditions were horrible but I would be lying if I said that I wouldn't miss some things about the place. Matron-san has managed to worm her way onto my heart along with all the babies I took care of. Oh yeah, did I not mention that yet? I have become HYPER attached to those babies, never knew i had it in me. In my last life I was an only child so these protective instincts I am tentatively labeling as of the big brother variety were a huge shock.

Knowing that I was leaving the place behind for good filled me with indescribable melancholy. I never asked to be put into this situation, but now that I'm here I have been forced to accept it. While the orphanage may have been no place for children, it was still relatively safe. I got three meals a day, a lot of free time, and I learned something new everyday. Best of all, I did not have to kill anyone. Who knows when that will change at the academy. Something tells me our first human kill won't even be at graduation. But it is way too late to do anything now, not that I could have in the first place.

 _'Bye matron-san, bye magnolia tree, bye Shark Bite and Big Cheeks and Scowl and Giggles, you were my favorite… Aww man I told myself I wouldn't cry'_ My lip trembled as I held back a surprising amount of tears.

I could see Matron-san raising an eyebrow at me from her position at the front gate.

As the gate of the orphanage started to fade behind the ever present mist I could have almost sworn I saw Matron-san mouth "good luck"

'...Naaaaah she would never.'

* * *

As the Head Matron watched the boy she had been teaching for half a year fade into the ever present mist she thought.

_'Damn did I really get attached to that brat, I must be losing my edge.'_

"Good luck Shimizu-san, you'll need it." She said under her breath before turning on her heel and striding back inside, that baby formula won't make itself without a helper.

' _You know, my job was so much easier when I had a young assistant to do all the dirty work. I think I need to get a new one. Hmm how about that "Shark Bite" brat the kid always complained about. He has spunk, teaching him might even be fun; at least he won't space out every five minutes. Tch, what was his real name again? Was it Marbura? No that's not it, was it..._ ' The Matron would continue to think on the matter as she went on to make the baby formula, thoughts occasionally drifting back to her former student. She thought that she was free of that brat for good, but little did she know that they would meet again, much sooner than she would think.


	9. You Can Kiri Me Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second part of this chapter involves character interaction and other escapades so it's not all monologue.
> 
> Also I did a double release today so make sure you read chapter 8 first.

Frankly I was starting to feel a little bad for the kids around me. We have been doing nothing but walk down the path for about three hours now and it was showing. At first the kids were quiet and trailing after Eyepatch like little ducklings, hero worship gleaming in their eyes.

It started to wear off after about 10 minutes.

Now the kids are doing nothing but panting as they shamble after him, topics of conversation long since abandoned to save energy; not that there was anything to talk about along the road anyway. It's all misty so you can't see past the first layer of trees and all the trees are the same in that unique, anime background way. It's actually quite uncanny..

I'm different from the others though in that I have been spending the last year training my body, especially the legs. That's not to say the other kids are in bad shape actually, they do spend all day playing after all, but playing is not a substitute for an optimized training regimen. Not to mention that Eyepatch is walking at a brisk pace which already sounds tough to do for three hours straight but gets even worse once you realize that he's an adult whose legs are about three times longer than us three year olds. Even I, who is in fantastic shape for my age, am starting to feel the burn.

' _Are we three ye- THERE, are we there yet?'_ I asked the clique question in my mind.

I didn't bother verbalizing it because the question has already been asked before about _20_ minutes in, and it got the same reply as every other attempt at inquiry or conversation with Eyepatch. Nada, zilch, squat, fourth thing. Ever since he finished the speech Eyepatch has been as quiet as the dead, marching on without even his footsteps making the sound of crunching dirt. If I were to stand right next to him and close my eyes I wouldn't even know he was there. It's quite impressive. He is doing a more advanced version of what I can do on floors or it might be more correct to say that I am doing a lesser version of what Eyepatch is doing outside. I'll definitely have to work on outdoor silent stepping later at the academy, it's basically a staple of being a nin- and we're here.

Out of the mist, like hell appearing before a dead sinner. the academy started to manifest. Facing down the location of my fear for the past year I was struck by how…. Well I'm not going to say impressive. How...building _-e_ it is. It sure is a building, much brick, very gray. I can totally envision it _housing_ people? What I'm trying to say is that it's the most boring building I've ever seen. For as rundown as the orphanage was it at least had a personality to it, even though that personality was probably human right's violation. But then again I'm sure they were going for the lifeless approach when they were designing it, like a concentration camp. Which it kind of is from a certain perspective, i.e. mine. Looking around, the other kids were as equally unimpressed, although they were relieved to finally reach our destination. As for me, I would have gladly walked for several more _days_ if it meant never having to see this place but we can't all get what we want in life.

"Line up" Eyepatch spoke suddenly and authoritatively, as he stopped at the gate to the academy courtyard.

Several kids jumped, including me, and we rushed to fulfill his orders for his tone of voice brokered no complaints. His tone was very much different from Matron-san's in that it did not even allow for the _thought_ of protest; with Matron-san you could ignore what she said if you were ready to face the punishment afterwards but for Eyepatch there would be no punishment because you were either going to follow his directions or _die trying_. Contrary to this long speech bubble, I did not dare allow myself to get lost in thought and promptly formed up with the other kids.

"Alright students listen up for you will only hear this once. This is the Academy of Kirigakure, The Village Hidden in the Mist and by stepping through this gate you will be becoming one of its ninja. Any of you who think you are not up to the task are free to turn around now" At that he slowly looked all the orphans in the eye one by one including me.

I tried to convey determination through my gaze but as I said before, I am a shitty actor. I wonder what Eyepatch saw.

I did not even contemplate turning around, I had no doubt that if any of the kids here had the audacity to go back to the orphanage they would not even make it five minutes down the path. In a village like Kiri, not being someone who would throw away their life for the village at the first chance is tantamount to treason. This question was not a question at all but another loyalty test, like the box; to weed out the most weak willed or just those who the "ninja are awesome" propaganda hasn't gotten to.

Seeing that no one left, Eyepatch said "Good I can see that you all have the markings of brave Kiri shinobi, I can hardly wait to start working alongside you all".

' _Oh bullshit'_ I could hardly believe he was able to say that with such a straight face.

Even though it was such a bold faced lie, all the children's eyes sparkled like the night sky. Their naivety only served to remind me of how young they were, how young _we_ were.

' _We really stand no chance at all do we?'_ I thought morosely

Eyepatch seemed to like what he saw, well I thought so at least. Eyepatch's facial expression never changed, not even minutely. As his eye fell over me I once again wondered what he saw in me.

"That being said these will be the most difficult coming years of your life."

' _Yeah because most of us won't live past graduation so they're the most difficult by default.'_ I sarcastically commented in the safety of my mind.

"That being said, the graduation age of the academy is thirteen so most of you will be spending the next ten years together with me unless you show off enough skill to graduate earlier. You may refer to me as instructor Ao or Ao-sensei and I shall be your homeroom teacher for the next several years of our lives. Follow me and I shall lead you to your new living arrangements."

As the pack of orphans started to follow him inside, I thought about my new death date.

' _Ten years huh?_ '

To finally have a guaranteed time frame fills me with equal amounts of relief and dread. A decade is a long time to improve my skills, but remember, I have also decided to go the path of the prodigy so I will not actually have a full ten years. Additionally, I know for a fact that my peers will not be slacking off either.

Eventually the man newly dubbed Ao-sensei lead us to what I presume is the dorm section of the building which was actually located underground. Looking down the hallway I realized the place was designed like a military complex. Not sure why I'm surprised, this feels very par-for-the-course for Kiri. The only thing of interest that happened on the way was us passing a massive room that was about 80% pool, I'm sure I'll be seeing that place a lot.

"Now children," Ao- sensei began, "everyone pick a room, one to a room. And go in. Stay there until dinner is called. If you break this rule you will be immediately expelled and returned to the orphanage, never to become a ninja."

Wow, a test for rule following as well as the loyalty test at the front gate. Does this mean that they are going to do something to encourage conflict in the next few minutes as well. Oh who am I kidding of course they are, this is Kirigakure Academy, I need to mentally prepare myself for I'm sure that I'll be beaten up day after day here.

Heaving a small sigh I picked a room to the far right of the hallway. Not too far from the back but not too close, just like an anime protagonist's classroom seat. Casually walking in, my eyes were drawn to the scenery of the room.

Grey walls, a shelf in the middle, a bed on the right, a bed on the left with Chibi Yagura on it, two chests in front of the two beds, a mirr- _**CHIBI YAGURA!**_

Immediately backtracking to focus on the other small occupant in my room, I was struck by what was indeed a kid version of the Mizukage nonchalantly and blank faced on the left bed.

' _Dear god, where the_ _ **fuck**_ _am I in the timeline?'_

Not reacting at all to what I can assume was my face making a very hilarious expression, Yagura simply moved his eyes onto me as I entered.

Forcing my body to move, I went to the chest and looked inside it in what was a ploy to buy myself more time to think without having to stare directly into Yagura's piercing eyes. I still feel them on my back but at least the effect is reduced.

' _Okay Satoshi what do you know about Yagura? Well for one, he is or will be the Fourth Mizukage and he was or will be, targeted to be put under some genjutsu of Tobito's that made him super evil.'_

See I had always just assumed that Yagura _was_ Mizukage by now. No real reason for it, my mind just made the connection that Yagura was Mizukage before the start of Naruto and I am before the start of Naruto so Yagura is Mizukage now, but apparently I'm suuuper wrong.

_'Wait does that mean I don't have to kill someone for graduation? Wasn't that something Yagura instated when he was under the evillifier jutsu or was that always a thing? Dammit Kishimoto you couldn't have focused more on Kiri before the Hokage Summit Arc. My spoiler gotten knowledge is starting to run thin here. Shit, well at least I didn't reincarnate into that one village Hidan wrecked, that would have been a disaster.'_

' _Okay Satoshi what else!? Hm Yagura I know has a baby face, it's one of the reasons I was interested in him as a character in my last life.'_

Not in that way, get your mind out of the gutter! I just found that clip where Naruto unintentionally made fun of him to be really funny.

' _Wait does that mean that this Yagura could actually be a lot older than I think, or is he really three with a real baby face? I have no idea if these dorm rooms are mixed age or not so it could be either or.'_

' _In conclusion, you lack info and should just bite the bullet and talk to him. You're composed enough at the moment to do so. Stop staring at the ninja gear and, oh hey wait ninja gear!'_

Bringing my attention to the contents of the chest I was fake rifling through, I now start real rifling through.

' _Sweet! Brand new clothes, what a miracle.'_

In the orphanage I never got anything new, not even when I turned three, and especially never for clothes. Whenever a kid rips their clothes (which is a very frequent occurrence) one of the matrons takes it and sews it back up, simple as that. Well aside from the fact that some of these clothes are probably over 20 years old. After a while it started to turn into a Ship of Theseus scenario; is it considered a new shirt if every piece of fabric from the old shirt has been replaced? The answer my friends is a resounding no.

So seeing the three new pairs of shinobi academy clothes filled me with a happiness unique to this life, where things considered so basic such as new clothes are a luxury. New shoes too, is it my birthday?

"My name is Karatachi Yagura. What is yours?"

' _Holy shiiiiii- I forgot he was there.'_

Nearly jumping out of my skin, I turned to the boy who was most likely going to be my new roommate for the next several years. He was still watching me with those appraising, pink eyes but since I had time to sort my thoughts after the shock of walking into the room I was pretty sure I could hold a conversation with him now.

"My name is Shimizu Satoshi, it's a pleasure" I said while channeling my best customer service smile.

Completely unfazed, he just nodded and started to stare at the grey wall seemingly lost in thought.

' _That's it? I guess I hyped up this situation a bit more than I should have. He is a kid after all; it was probably dumb to expect a conversation with the same number of dangers hidden inside it as with say, Ao-sensei. Still I expected a bit more.'_

With Yagura's curiosity sated I turned back to my chest of goodies to see what else was inside it.

' _Lets see what we got here. A few kunai, some shurikens, a spool of ninja wire, a cleaning kit I think, some bandages. Awesome sauce.'_

Thanks to Matron-san, I am pretty decent when it comes to wielding kunai since she had me use one to cut ingredients for lunch with increasingly fancy moves in some of her most unsubtle ninja lessons. Can't throw for shit though, not to say that I didn't try. During a few of my free times I tried to increase my aiming abilities by throwing rocks at a tree but my lack of talent combined with lack of a teacher made it so my skills never improved that much.

' _And that's it. I can't tell if this is more or less than I expected.'_

"Attention new recruits! Make your way to the dining hall!" Someone yelled right outside the hall.

"Well" I said turning to Yagura who looked back at me "shall we go?"

"Sure." he said while nodding back with his blank face.

As we were walking out the door I observed, ' _Oh hey he doesn't have that scar on his cheek yet. That's good since I would probably get a little worried if he got it at three. I wonder when and how he does get it though?'_

Me and Yagura silently followed the other children who were emerging from their rooms to the dining hall. I hoped it was the dining hall at least; at the moment we're just following the crowd to whatever its destination is.

Speaking of the crowd, there were a _lot_ more kids leaving than there were who entered with me, but that was well within my calculations. There were also a few kids with candy colored hair among them which was very odd to see since the orphanage only had kids with natural colored hair.

It was inane thoughts such as these that occupied my mind as the crowd finally reached the cafeteria. I was immediately hit by an odd mix of deja vu and nostalgia as the room came into focus and I realized it was just like a scaled up version of the orphanages. Not in the decor, which is still all grey and lifeless, but in the people and atmosphere.

Yes, I recognize this bloodthirsty atmosphere all too well, where it's either one fights for their meals or starves. In addition the room was full of kids of all ages. Three year olds and thirteen year olds eating their dinner side by side miring each other in killing intent. It appears that our group was the last on campus to get the memo for dinner so we were the last to come in. Our group of rowdy "fresh meat'' was sure to draw the attention of all the sharks in the room, and in Kiri everyone is a shark whether they got the teeth or not. That was why it was very surprising that me and Yagura were able to get halfway through the line before getting interrupted.

' _Ahh I haven't had to deal with this in a long time.'_ I reminisced as a group of three kids came up to push us out of our spot.

"So newbies, why don't you let us have your spot and move onto the back and we won't have to make any trouble." The one in the lead who looked about seven sneered as his two companions snickered to themselves. The three were a very odd mismatch as the guy in the lead actually looked like a main character with cool, wild black hair topped off with some kind of three horned face headband, in contrast the two younger goons behind him could not have been more generic if they tried with short, similar colored black hair and dull facial features.

All around us similar confrontations were happening to the other new kids; I would not be surprised if getting knocked to the back of the line was some sort of orientation. But the thing is I'm not an idiot. Even if I get beat black and blue here I have to fight back or I'll be marked as an easy target for the foreseeable future. I had seen it happen to the other orphans back in the day and I would have been included in their number if I hadn't punched out Ryo and anyone else who tried it.

That being said, I remained silent and gave these punk kids my best glare while I assume Yagura remained expressionless behind me. The three shrunk back only for a second in intimidation and surprise before their menacing aura tripled and they donned bloodthirsty smiles.

' _I knew it wouldn't be that easy. Time to go down swinging I suppose.'_

My body tensed for what was about to be the coming smackdown. Not only were these kids a few years older than me but they had the numerical advantage of 3-2, or 3-1 if Yagura decides to bail on me.

Around the room I could hear the beginning of fights among the others who decided to fight back, and from the young laughter I could assume they were losing.

Taking a step forward, the lead asshole swung at me at a speed much faster then someone his age should be able to do. It was only due to the fact that I was in much better shape than someone my age should be that I could dodge it. Ducking in, I landed a solid hit to his face causing him to take a few steps back. His eyes opened wide in surprise before rage overcame his features.

' _Welcome to pain town population me._ ' I remarked in anticipation of the beatdown that was about to come.

This kid was a ninja-in-training who has been fighting others in this harsh environment, probably longer than I've been alive considering he seemed to be about seven. The element of surprise was not going to work twice now that he has solidified his resolve to destroy me.

Rushing at me with a speed at least three times faster than his punch earlier, I didn't even react fast enough for my body to tense before his fist was already smashing into my right eye. Smacking into the ground I braced myself for what I knew would be a flurry kicks; only to hear the smack of flesh on flesh? I was surprised because the flesh that made that sound wasn't me getting my lungs kicked in.

Opening my eyes from my fetal position, I saw Yagura standing over me with his foot intercepting the bully's with a light of anger in his eyes. What proceeded was not pretty.

In short, Yagura beat the crap out of the guy. He was on his butt within five seconds from a flawless throw and he never got the chance to get up again. After what seemed like hours but was really only about a minute, Yagura was standing over the poor boy's bloody, unconscious body with nary a scratch on him.

Tearing my eyes away to look around us I could see everybody in our general vicinity looking at us with wide eyes, many of the older kids whispering to themselves with pale complexions, likely glad they were not the unlucky saps to mess with us.

My thoughts once more looping back to our aggressors, I looked to the right of me to see goons numbers 1 and 2 out of commission on the floor but still in infinitely better shape than the would be bully.

' _So this is the power of the future Mizukage huh?'_

Entering the academy I was under the impression that I was hot stuff no matter how much I reminded myself how that was not the case. This forming black eye and showing by Yagura should serve as a wake up call; I am not strong, I am not a true genius, and I am not guaranteed to survive simply by working hard. I must use any trick or scheme at my disposal if I want to have a hope of surviving here in this world.

Yagura, sufficiently satisfied with his beat down of the horned asshole, turned to me and said.

'Are you alright Satoshi-san?' In an astonishingly genuine tone.

"Yea," I said while pulling myself up "I'm fine except for this black eye I can feel coming up."

Nodding, Yagura went back to his place in line leaving a space in front of him for me.

A warm feeling grew in my chest at that.

' _Oh no, don't you dare get attached Satoshi, you know his fate.'_

That warm feeling was obviously friendship, I had a lot of experience with it in my last life. I did die for my best friend, remember?

It is exactly because I died for my best friend that I am in no way going to befriend someone who is going to be specifically targeted by MadarObi. Only people who I know lived through canon are acceptable friend candidates.

Eating our trashy lunch together in silence I could already feel my new resolve weakening.

' _What am I getting myself into?'_


	10. Daily Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should say that trying to juggle the Naruto timeline is giving me a migraine so characters will not correlate to their exact age. Case in point Yagura, my Yagura is probably much older than canon Yagura. I can barely parse out his timeline due to us never getting his age so I'm just throwing out the small details and saying that he looks young in canon because he's short and has a baby face. Don't even get me started on the Seven Swordsman, they will be very much involved in this fic later but there is NOTHING ON THEM, and so to prevent OC spam I'm going to be manipulating a lot of their ages.
> 
> Speaking of OC's, I only plan for two major ones (and a few minor ones) in this fic, one of them is the Head Matron and it will become very obvious who the latter is in a chapter or two. They will be very prominent in the Academy Arc but they'll only be making brief showings afterwards.

It figures that the first class I have ever had the pleasure of attending at Kirigakure Academy involves swords.

Kenjutsu Basics with Akebino Jinin.

The man himself I do not recognize, even if he was in Naruto he would have probably played an unimportant role based off his facial features being generic as fuck. He introduced himself as a jounin though so I am not going to ignore or belittle him (more). Even a generic jounin is a god of death at my current stage.

Jinin-sensei appears to prefer a hands on approach to teaching, or maybe Kiri academy itself does, since this is my first class it is too early to tell.

That is how I found myself in my current situation.

_*Swish* *Swish* *Clang!*_

Sword fighting YAGURA. What the hell sensei, I know this is Kiri but having three year olds sword fight on their first day of school is a little extreme don't you think!? The only good thing about this is that Yagura seems just as new to this as me so I still stand a chance, nonetheless that is a quickly changing fact.

Yagura's learning speed is simply unreal. After sensei showed us the first sword stance and had us try it out for ourselves, Yagura picked up his practice sword and fell into a pretty good stance, way better than me at least. BUT THEN he got out of it and fell into a near perfect one, where is the justice in this universe?

' _I refuse to believe that Itachi, ninja Jesus himself, is better than this.'_ I risked impalement thinking as I blocked yet another one of his merciless blows that came too close for comfort.

I say risk of impalement instead of bruising for the simple fact that we are FIGHTING WITH REAL SWORDS WHYYYY!? As the lesson began with practice swords I figured that Kiri wasn't so bad, Jinin-sensei was a slave driver, granted, but as we went through forms at lightning speed, him popping up from the void to smack you into correcting your stance; I thought that this would be bad but within expectations. My expectations decided to jump into a dumpster fire as soon as he pulled out real swords and had us pick partners. And Yagura _himself_ picked me.

" _We learn better with the risk of death" my ass you sadistic fuck'_ I vented as I parried Yagura's surprise thrust that almost got my kidney. I only realized too late that he purposefully let me parry him so he could step into my front and shoulder check me. I tripped over his leg that was entangled in mine while his sword made a deadly arc towards my neck.

My world froze as the adrenaline pumping through my veins turned into pure ice. I could not even scream out in fear for my imminent death made me unable to manifest a coherent thought.

*Tink*

The universe decided to spare my miserable life as the greatest sound I had ever heard graced my ears. Jinin-san appeared from nowhere with the ninja swooshy technique to block Yagura's fatal sword with a kunai.

"Damn, for a kid of that bastard Karatachi, you displayed the finest bout of beginner swordsmanship I have ever seen. Based on your performance alone in this class I can already tell you're well on your way to surpassing your father. Go over there," He pointed to an empty part of the room with his chin "none of these other kids will even begin to give you a challenge. I'll spend the rest of this period personally training you and then we'll see about bumping you up a few levels."

"Thank you for your praise Jinin-sensei." Yagura replied before moving to that part of the room.

Jinin-sensei turned down to look at my pale countenance and smirked.

"You know, if you were fighting any other beginning swordsmen in this room and got taken down in two minutes I would have let that fatal blow land. Lucky for you though kid, you were fighting that little monster, you even _lasted_ two minutes. I would say that puts you firmly ahead of the pack here. You should feel a little pride cause of it; geniuses on his level are unassailable in this world. The only way to beat them is to just be born first, I honestly feel bad for you all being in the same generation as Yagura Karatachi, I've only been around him for three hours but I can already tell you all are doomed to live in his shadow for life. Tch, I'm feeling merciful today, go to your next period, you're dismissed." With that he swooshed off, presumably to block another fatal blow.

Amidst his impromptu speech all I did was lay on my butt, breathing heavily. The near fatal encounter still robbed my mind of thoughts minutes after it passed. Slowly coming back to myself I was...overcome

' _How many? Grr, how many times am I going to pathetically fall on my butt!' ..._ with rage.

' " _Unassailable" huh? "Doomed to live in his shadow"? No, I refuse._ _ **I refuse.**_ _That isn't true_.' I thought of one person who Jinin-sensei had no knowledge of. One person who could fight the greatest existence on the planet with a smile. One person who never gave up and prevailed in the world despite not possessing any bullshit hax this universe is built upon. He was just a regular Guy at birth but could still hold his own against the man who possessed every unique power of note in the world, and my memory of him is what has staved off the creeping despair that keeps me up at night.

Might Guy could fight a genius of Yagura's level in his prime _and_ have a decent chance of coming out on top. I have promised myself that I would one day get to his level and surpass it, for anything below that guarantees death. I have to.

Standing up and fixing Yagura with a look of determination unnoticed by all, I made my vow.

' _It may take years, it may take decades, hell it may even take centuries, but I will surpass you. I will surpass everything you throw at me, all the hardships, all the difficulties, and_ _ **I will live.**_ '

Despite looking at him, I was not referring to Yagura; I was referring to this world itself. Setting my goal as Yagura is far too low, not with alien gods running around and eldritch horrors waiting to awaken. A simple Yagura is ultimately one existence in this world, a strong existence I'll give him that, but nowhere near the top. As long as those at the top exist and plot harm on the world, I must be stronger or my life will still be in danger. But that level of strength is far, far away. Until I reach that point I must be cautious, avoid situations I know will be life threatening as much as I can; but by the Sage Satoshi, the next time you get into fatal combat don't freeze up like you did at the end. Keep fighting till the last drop of blood leaves your body.

My resolve newly formed, I left class to go to my room. There are still thirty minutes left till the next period and Yagura gave quite a few cuts.

Before walking out the door though I did wonder.

' _Was that strike of Yagura's really going to be fatal or was sensei just being cautious? I need to confront Yagura about it later.'_

I never did.

* * *

Walking into my shared bedroom I was able to notice a feature that I did not pay much attention to before, a mirror.

' _Fucking finally!'_ I've been looking for one of these things forever with no luck. The rivers near the orphanage moved too much to get a clear reflection and the cutlery was way too stained to get a reflection.

Dashing forward I stood in front of the mirror to get a good look at new me in all my glory.

The first thing I noticed were my eyes, which were a shade of light violet… oh and also pupiless. ' _What the fuck that's creepy. No wonder all the kids were scared of my glares; how do my eyes even work without pupils? I swear, anime logic sometimes.'_

The next thing of note was my hair which was a color I hesitate to call dirty blonde. It was more like a shade of beige really. The hair itself laid down at the top while fanning out sideways into clumps of curly hair spikes at the bottom and sides of my neck. My front hair naturally went down the sides of my face so despite my relatively long hair I didn't have to brush it out of my eyes, though it was a really close call on my right side which has a portion at the top which just falls straight down for some reason instead of parting to the sides like the rest.

' _I'm gonna have to cut that eventually, what a drag.'_ I swore like a Nara.

As for my face, it was adorable. With my dainty, rounded features I almost looked younger than three if that was even possible. I could already tell that I wasn't going to be ruggedly handsome when I grow up. Instead I would probably have that pretty boy look that Itachi has, hopefully without the stress lines though.

Rounding out my facial tour I stopped at the _goddamn black eye_. ' _One day Horns, one day'_ I swore to deliver retribution for this slight upon him.

Overall, I would say no kekkei genkai for me. I look absolutely like no character I remember from the series, but who knows really. I could be related to a movie or filler character, since I have seen nothing of either in my past life it could very well be possible, but it is not something I can bank on.

" _Hm, well I guess I'll just have to rely on myself instead of any birth power, too bad. Now where are those bandages?'_

Patching myself up I proceeded to my next class. Kirigakure History with Aopatch-sensei

Walking in and scanning the class, I saw our young instructor writing on the board.

' _Still can't read, this class is going to be a bitch.'_

Dreading what was to come I looked for a seat and locked eyes with Yagura who was also in this class apparently.

' _Maybe we should have compared our schedules.'_ I frowned as I contemplated if I should sit next to him or not, the memory of kenjutsu class still fresh in my mind.

' _Satoshi, you said you would face whatever challenges were thrown at you and this is one of them. Yagura may be the greatest threat you have faced yet but you must face him for one simple reason...He knows how to read; if you get closer to him he may agree to give you extra lessons.'_ Making up my mind I went to the empty seat next to Yagura and sat down.

Yagura maintained his resting bitch face like he didn't maybe try to kill me last time we saw each other.

After a while of students trailing in the lesson began

* * *

Honestly the tiny bits of village history I could sift out from all the propaganda were pretty cool since I was basically learning about a magical war to unite a group of islands by stealthy wizards. Fun fact: the Karatachi clan, you know Yagura's, are actually related to the first Mizukage who funnily enough looks absolutely nothing like them. I would honestly laugh at the portrait of the Mizukage with strabismus (doctor knowledge for the win!) if I wasn't sure that it would get me executed immediately. There was also the fact that he was an absolute monster comparable to Tobirama when it came to water release jutsu but that was to be expected of the first Water Shadow. At least, that's what I'm assuming based on the stories of how he drowned the islands who resisted the formation of Kiri in a massive tsunami. Sadly, no one has mentioned a single thing about chakra as of yet.

As Yagura started to pack up his supplies, I remained put since Ao-sensei was once again the teacher for my next class. I could barely contain my excitement because this was the class I was most excited fooooor drum roll please…

Remedial Class with Ao-sensei!

In this absolutely wonderful class he will be going over such fun subjects as, basic knowledge, common sense, and addition. Hooray. I'm just joking, he will be going over that but the main thing he is going to be doing is teaching us how to read and write which are things I _need_ , not only so I can effectively take notes but so I can go to the academy library. To start skipping grades I can't just be good with weapons though that is the most important criteria, I must also be knowledgeable.

That being said, learning start!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also don't know where to put this so I'll just say this here. Satoshi will eventually develop a kekkai genkai. It is not an original one but it will be changed slightly from it's canon(or filler) self because it was way too broken at base and also had some abilities that I frankly don't want to write about. It is a loooong ways off from showing up though I will try to foreshadow it.


	11. Kiri Academy is Baby College

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reason I have not updated in a while is because my college finals have been kicking my ass, and if you could not tell from this chapter I am basing Kiri academy off my own college to a degree. Partly because it is what I know best and partly to vent. Thanks for reading.
> 
> 'Thinking'
> 
> "Talking"
> 
> I do not own Naruto, obviously.

It has been a year so far since I have entered the academy and that means the next school year is about to start. I am currently four since my birthday is on January 1st (why the fuck do we share month names, most of them are Roman based!?). That isn't actually my real birthday you see those at the orphanage don't give a shit about birthdays, they simply bump your age up by one once the new year passes.

' _I wonder if they even know my real birthday, I'm going to have to see if I have a birth certificate later or if I was just dropped at the doorstep.'_

That being said I spent most of my time this year learning how to read and it was a lot easier than I thought it would be, mostly due to me still being a malleable child. Even still, it was horribly time consuming.

After my first day of class was over I found out that to my surprise we have a few hours of free time after classes. I was even _more_ surprised to find out that we have a day off on Sunday (Regular day names as well as months! What is this even?) that we can use to wander Kirigakure proper or just do whatever. I was totally sure the academy was not the kind place to have days off, but I was pleasantly surprised.

I used this time to wisely pester Yagura for extra reading lessons. I say pester but what I really mean is asking him for help and him replying "yes" in his classic Yagura face. I've pretty much forgiven him for the whole attempted murder thing because he has helped me with my reading on literally every weekend without complaint. Honestly he's a major pushover, I think he would kill someone if I asked him to and his expression would not change at all, in short, he is a natural Kiri shinobi.

It was a long and arduous process but now I can finally go to the library and start amassing knowledge. But first I have to ace this test.

Kirigakure Academy is divided into ten grades, and to graduate into the next grade, one has to pass the Grade Test, real creative name, I know.

The Grade Test is divided into the information and practical portion. The information portion is going to be a cinch for me. Not just grade 1, but even if I was given the grade 5 test I'm sure I would pass it with flying colors.

' _Thank you Matron-san'_ I thought as I circled my final answer and turned the test in.

She really taught me much more than I thought she did. Then again, if I was a normal three year old I would have probably only been able to absorb a quarter of the information she taught, so good job me.

As for the practical portion, I can safely say that I am the best kenjutsu user in my class, and while my win streak was a little shaky in the beginning, it is now perfect. Yagura immediately skipped a few grades so he _technically_ isn't in my class. I'm pretty sure he's in like grade 6 now, which is...wow. Kenjutsu class is much harder to graduate in than any other class due to it being the class Kiri cares about the most so him already being over halfway through it _all_ in his first year; I'm not jealous, I swear!

By virtue of being the first to turn my test in, I did not have to wait for others to finish their practical test and simply walked in the next room.

Inside I was met with Akebino-sensei standing on the other side of a rectangular, sandy arena, two swords in hand.

"Figured you would be the first kid. I don't need to explain the rules right?"

"The real ones or the fake ones?" I replied.

"Ha!. Why not tell _me_ both, you seem like the only kid here who would realize them beforehand."

"The fake rules are to knock you out of the arena or defeat you in combat. The real ones are to get you to move more than your sword arm or just impress you right?"

"Tch spot on kid." He smirked as he threw the sword from his right hand at me.

Smiling, I caught it in my left. Yes I'm left handed, I'm just special like that. Unlike sensei that is, who was keeping his other sword in his non-dominant hand.

"Not using your right hand sensei? Well more advantages for me then." I charged.

"Kid, fighting my dominant hand is grade two." He said as he effortlessly parried my blow.

I quickly followed up with several stabs which he all blocked with the flat of his blade before knocking me back...and are his eyes closed!?

Rolling back, I dashed behind him and came down with a one-handed overhead strike that he once more effortlessly blocked without even turning to face me. My sword rebounding, I was "forced" to roll back. A little jittery from adrenaline at the risky maneuver I just pulled, I contemplated my plan of attack. ' _I now have two secret weapons I can use but I have to wait for the perfect opportunity...'_

* * *

Jinin was in his first fight of the day and he was getting bored. The kid he was fighting had spunk at the beginning but now he was just circling him, occasionally jumping in to deliver one handed strikes. It was boring. He craved high stakes fights but was personally assigned to the academy by Mizukage-sama himself.

Jinin was well aware that this was a test, Kiri shinobi are trained to be emotionless, bloodthirsty individuals, not teachers. That is why it was an open secret among Kiri ninja that the academy teachers were assigned by the Mizukage as tests for certain divisions. If he were to go and complain it was guaranteed that he would be struck down as a potential swordsman candidate immediately and that would not do. It has always been his dream to become a Ninja Swordsmen of the Mist and if the price to become one is a few years of boredom then so be it. But does it really have to be soooo boring, he could barely keep his eyes open, so he didn't.

Letting out a yawn, he deliberately showed a weak point.

' _Let's get this over with'_ He thought as he waited for the kid's strike, but it never came.

' _Muggy mists kid!. Not capitalizing on a weak point that obvious, what a rooky mis-_ *swish* ' _Oh! Spoke too soon'_ In mild surprise he opened his eyes to see a shuriken headed straight for his knee.

' _He knew that I was bored and deliberately showing a weak point so he waited till I was finished and attacked while I was exasperated with his inability. That by itself is enough to warrant graduation not to mention bringing an extra weapon.'_

' _I could stop this now... but I want to see where this is going, it's finally getting interesting.'_ Akebino smiled slightly.

Dashing forward sword in hand, the kid aimed for his own sword that had blocked the thrown shuriken, locking it in place at his knee. The other hand was curled into a fist that made its way straight to his nose.. _. 'Nice kid, that won't do damage at all with no chakra enhancement but points for eff-'_...and then the fist opened to reveal it was full of sand.

' _OH HELL NO!'_

He didn't even have to think before he swatted the sand and by extension the boy away with his other arm, he was not going to get pelted in sand. It's coarse, and rough, and irritating. And it gets everywhere. He always hated sand which is a very undesirable trait to have when you live and work on what amounts to a large cluster of sandy islands. Not to say that he can't fight through it, just that he will do what he can to avoid it whenever he can like in this scenario. No way is he fighting a hundred other kids for the next several hours with sand around his eyes and in his shirt.

A thought that came up in his mind caused him to look around the battlefield before finally spotting what he was looking for.

' _It seems like the kid didn't come in with a pocket full of sand, when I knocked him back earlier and he rolled away he grabbed a handful off the ground. Impressive.'_

* * *

"You pass kid." Akebino sensei opened his mouth to say as soon as I dragged myself off the ground from his backhand.

' _That thing fucking hurt.'_

Despite what I could feel was a red mark angrily appearing on my cheek, I grinned widely.

' _I passed!'_

"You exceeded my expectations, I knew from your performance in class that you were talented with the sword but your use of multi staged tactics and deceit completely overshadowed that.

"Congratulations, you, Shimizu Satoshi, are now grade three in kenjutsu."

' _Wait?'_ "What?"

"Don't act too surprised kid, in fact, I would make you grade four right now if your stance were a bit better. Grades two and three have a heavy focus on battle tactics, creative thinking, and misdirection in battle, all of which you have shown here in spades. It is only your skill that is holding you back from grade four, not your smarts, even though your technique is quite close anyway, and with your learning speed you should be able to reach it in about two to three months"

Blushing at the praise I bowed, "Thank you for your confidence Akebino-sensei."

"Tch" He tch-ed in reply.

"Go on, I can hear I got another boring challenger standing at the door."

I nodded and tossed him the practice sword as I ran to pick up my thrown kunai before bursting out the door with a spring in my step. So engrossed I was in my happiness that I almost bumped into a person turning the corner in one of the hallways to my room.

' _I suppose it is true that enemies meet on a narrow path'_ ' My eyes narrowing much like this path I walk as I came face to face with the horned kid from my first day and his equally narrowed eyes.

"You passed your test already? That was fast." The kid, who I am now going to refer to as Horns since "the horned kid" is way too long, remarked as he smirked and started to unleash a menacing aura.

"Of course, the information portion could not have been easier and I'm top of my class in kenjutsu." I bragged as my body tensed in preparation.

I was obviously better at fighting than I was before but I still know that beating the now eight year old is nothing more than a pipe dream. And there was no Yagura this time to save me, so I will just have to draw up my courage and… escape!

' _Nigerundayoooo!'_ I inwardly screamed as I used the Joestar Secret Technique.

Taking full advantage of my smaller size, I sidestepped him at lightning speeds and dashed down the hall. I could feel Horns initial shock at my actions quickly morph into rage as the sound of him running after me graced my ears.

Too bad for him though, I have a lot of experience running while I bet he is the type to focus on the upper body. Too bad for me though, his legs are longer and I would bet he has greater stamina than me as well.

Trying to formulate a plan of action to get me out of this doomed situation, I actually did run into the next person who turned the corner. At least, I assume it was a person and not a brick wall like it felt when I made contact with it/them.

Shaking the stars out of my eyes I looked up to see. Young M...e..i.?

Rubbing my eyes to see if this was a concussion hallucination I was still greeted with the baby face of the young Fifth Mizukage peering down at me curiously.

' _Once again I repeat, where the_ _ **fuck**_ _am I in the timeline?'_

Stomping in behind me, Horns grabbed me by the back of my shirt and ripped me up to my feet then spun me around and grasped my front collar all before I could even utter an _eep._

Seeing the closed fist drawn back and about to be rocketed to my face I raised my arms to protect myself. But before the knuckle sandwich could be launched from the starting platform the unexpected obstacle now spectator went and said..

"Hey handsome, want to go on a date?"

"What", I involuntarily uttered as both me and Horns froze in our movements.

"No, not you. You're way too young for me and baby faces aren't my type." Mei said with a voice positively _dripping_ in disdain.

' _That's not what I meant but did you really have to reply like that!?'_ I mentally exclaimed in anguish from my wounded pride.

"I was talking to you tall, horned, and handsome-san."

Horns still had me gripped by the front of my shirt, which, while a prime place to get my face smashed in, also doubled as a front row seat for me to see his jaw drop and his face turn scarlet. He then started to absentmindedly run his once balled up hand along his far right horn as he stood there in shocked silence.

That was of course the moment that two more people walked onto the scene

"Oh fancy meeting you here slut, trying to rope in yet another one?" A distinctly female voice said; tone full of fake cheer that did not hide the vitriol contained within at all.

' _Why are there so many people showing up in this hallway?'_ I thought as my head whipped to the side to see two more kids who looked about Mei's age join in.

The one who just spoke was a girl with red hair a few shades duller than Mei's, narrow eyes, and shark teeth I have since discovered are possessed by roughly half of Kiri other one who walked up was a young boy who, once again, looked the same age as Mei and in possession of pointy shark teeth. Unlike the girl he was very tall for his age and possessed no eyebrows though he did have hair on his head. It was grey, short, and spiky. His most notable feature was that his neck and ears were wrapped in bandages.

' _Okay I might not remember who these two are but they have appeared in Naruto, for sure.'_ I came to the conclusion after a single glance at their memorable character designs.

Hey don't talk to Mei-chan like that Ameyuri, and **you** ," He said, giving a death glare to Horns. "what do you think you're doing seducing Mei-chan."

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me that Juzo-san, you're too young for me." Mei sighed out at the same time the girl now named Ameyuri said "What not even a san for me Bozo."

Hearing Mei's reply (and subsequently ignoring Ameyuri's) Juzo's face took on a wounded expression and he exclaimed "My birthday is a week after yours Mei-chan!"

"As I said, too young." Mei calmly proclaimed with a serene smile on her face.

Juzo's expression became even more hurt before it quickly morphed into a much calmer, and more dangerous one. Turning to face Horns, and by extension me who was still trapped in his grip as we watched this three man comedy act; it was pretty obvious what he wanted to do.

Take out his anger at his crush's rejection on the nearest bystanders, which just so happened to be us.

The sheer killing intent he was releasing surpassed that of the average Kiri Academy student by quite a sizable amount so it was obvious that he was very strong. This new threat completely drained away Horns' focus on me and realizing this was my opportunity, I sent a surprise kick straight at his stomach while using my hands to take off my shirt. My plan worked out perfectly and I managed to escape. I, of course, hit the ground running in the opposite direction of the four powerful shinobi in training and yelled out for good measure.

"I feel your pain man, Mei-san only had eyes for the other guy and didn't give me a chance at all since I'm only four!"

I don't know what happened after that because I booked it out of there and didn't look back. Horns either didn't follow me or didn't catch up. All I know is that by the time I sprinted around a few corners the last thing I heard about that situation was the sound of Ameyuri laughing her ass off.

* * *

Sooo, I may just have a teensy tiny eenie miney **Big Fucking Problem** on my hands.

It all started a day after I encountered Horns. It would have started on that day but I decided to stay in my room and let the heat die down.

Anyway, now that I had graduated to grade three in my practical classes I decided I should do the same for my informational, so that meant a trip to the library to check the information that was going to appear on the grade test.

The library of Kirigakure Academy paled in comparison to the ones in my past life but to me it was the most beautiful place in the school. Tons and tons (well more like pounds and pounds) of books just waiting for me to harvest their information; in a world where information is a form of currency, this library would significantly increase my bank account.

First things first, the encounter with young Mei yesterday reaffirmed me in my understanding that I needed to find out where I was in the timeline, so I picked up a book on the brief history of the shinobi world, skimmed through it, and looked for the second edition to continue where it left off.

There was no second edition; I practically turned the library upside down, inside out, and sideways, and there _was. no. second. edition._ That was a big problem see, because that book happened to stop at the aftermath of the Second Shinobi World War. Which means the third one hasn't happened yet.

Fuck Kiri, fuck Kaguya, fuck graduation, this is a war we're talking about. Not that sham of a Fourth Shinobi War, a _real_ war. You know when I said I would surpass all challenges thrown at me that wasn't an invitation.

Luckily I have had two years (and a background in the American education system) to train my compartmentalization skills into a finely honed storage emporium, so after a brief bout of muffled screaming that would have gotten me kicked from the library should it have come out, I shoved all unnecessary thoughts from my mind and got to studying. I don't know if it will help, I don't know if it would save me, but what I do now is that I have to try. There is a war coming and I was going to be as ready for it as I could possibly be.


	12. I'm not changing the title of chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note that I changed the tags to "Creator Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings" because its Naruto and some warnings definitely will apply, no idea why I didn't do that before.

"Hey Yagura." The boy in question turned his head to me as we walked to our next shared class together..

"Would you consider training with me?"

' _No past me, you're making a mistake!' A phantom of myself has entered from stage right._

"Okay when?" Yagura replied immediately

"Well that was easy." I said with a wry smile. "How about tonight."

' _You don't know what you're doing!' I tried to stop myself but sadly my arms phased through me._

Yagura nodded.

' _Nooooooo!' I fell to my knees._

"Cool! I know I don't really stand a chance of winning but as a ninja I will have to be able to at least put up a fight against higher ranking opponents, so I'm hoping to learn a thing or two from this."

_**-** _ **Top ten quotes said right before disaster**

* * *

Everything hurt. I could only moan in pain as my comically bruised face stared at the ceiling. This was my fourteenth fight with Yagura since we began sparing...20 minutes ago. Every bout started the same, I drew my sword and Yagura drew his bow staff which he said was his clan specialty, I take a step forward, and then I am already dead.

Yagura doesn't have the chakra to use the ninja swoosh but he somehow _still teleports_. He's only four, yet he is completely out of my league. The worst part is that I cannot even learn anything from these fights, y'know my whole purpose for doing it, because he beats me so fast.

With a groan I staggered to my feet using my sword as a crutch, meeting Yagura emotionless eyes with a half hearted glare. "Next match how about you hold back a bit more?"

Yagura tilted his head minutely and nodded.

"Great." I walked to my starting position as Yagura did the same. Taking a deep breath, I gripped my sword. "Begin." I declared since we didn't have a referee.

*Swoosh* *Bang* "Gah! Gasp, gasp!"

Good new and bad news. Good news, I made it two steps; bad news, I don't think Yagura knows the definition of holding back, possibly literally. ' _Well I believe it is time to put a stop to this; the only thing I am going to accumulate if I continue sparring is bruises.'_

"Okay Yagura" I said from my spot on the ground. "I don't think this is going to work out. I'm going to have to call off this training session." ' _and any future ones.'_

"..."

' _I kind of expected a response.'_ Turning my sore head I see that Yagura looks... shocked... maybe? I don't know, it's Yagura, his face is a brick wall; all I know is that my words had some effect on him based off his mouth being open ever so slightly. Or maybe I'm just going crazy.

"..." "..." "..."

' _Why are we having a stare down? Better question, how_ _ **long**_ _have we been having a stare down?'_

"Welp." I said getting up. "It was fun Yagura, see you later." I limped my way to the door.

"Satoshi…"

I looked back with a surprise expression. ' _Did I hear that?'_ The sound was so faint it might as well have just been the wind. "Did you call me?"

"...Satoshi can you help me study?" Despite awkwardly pausing, his voice came out in its standard monotone.

' _Is he blushing or is that just a trick of the light? No! Don't distract yourself Satoshi, consider this question very carefully.'_ In truth I want to decline so, so badly, I do not want to interact with Yagura at all, but the second I opened my mouth to say no I closed it.

' _What are you doing, me! Godamnit!'_ I knew exactly why I didn't immediately shoot down the idea.

I felt guilty.

The boy had literally taught me how to read every weekend nonstop for the last year while asking for nothing in return, but the second he asks for my help with something I bail on him. ' _I cant fucking do it, why am I so soft.'_

"Okay, when do you want to start…"

* * *

It is once again the end of the year and I have passed all of my tests with flying colors. This grade was different from the previous two because the kenjutsu class itself branched out. Kiri Academy is a lot like college and high school in my previous life in that the students pick what classes they want and specialize. I have the basics, beginner sword fighting and beginner projectile throwing as well as beginner ninja tools, beginner taijutsu and a few others. All of them were pitifully easy due to my adult mentality with the exception of projectile throwing which I actually had to work for, it was expected though. Even with my accuracy vastly improving after gaining the assistance of an instructor, I just do not have good aim; I always misjudge my shot because I cannot determine distance for shit. I was only able to accurately hit Akebino-sensei a year ago due to my close proximity to him along with him literally standing still.

Anyway, all that matters is that I passed. In the Academy there are a bunch of mandatory classes that one has to take during their schooling to graduate and intermediate projectile throwing is one of them, so I'm halfway there.

The advantages of this system are obvious; students can pick what they want and specialize in what they are good at. The downside is that teamwork and comradery are practically nonexistent. Every class composition is different, and in the class the focus is on the individual abilities one possesses with no regards to your classmates at all except for the moments when you are set to brutally fight against them, and I am sure you can imagine just how far that goes to building bonds among children. I would bet though that in the eyes of Kiri's leadership the overwhelming animosity between students is a positive.

From what I remember of the anime, in Konoha everyone learns the same thing but stays in the same class to foster bonds between the classmates and the village; the jounin senseis are the ones to help them specialize later. The two systems aren't worse or better than the other, just different.

This system is a perfect match for my personality and abilities though so I'm grateful for it, well until I hear something that reminds me of just how shitty it is. Fun fact, I have heard whispers in the halls about how if you fail a mandatory class you're expelled and never heard from again. Of course to most they are only rumors but I have no doubt that they are 100% true, granted it is hard to fail those classes but offing those who do is sounds right up Kiri's alley

Anyway I am now grade four in my practical and five in informational (the only thing holding me back in that department is history) and I am capital H _Hyped._ I just got my schedule and the first class I see is Chakra Basics with Aopatch-sensei.

' _Finally I can start using ninja magic!'_ I thought as I practically vibrated down the halls in excitement. I was about thirty minutes early and had to wait outside the door but it was still worth it to get a front row seat. Yagura sat next to me and looked a little tired since my tossing and turning last night in anticipation kept him up. ' _Whoops.'_

He was noticeably less excited than me, but by virtue of the fact that I could see his excitement on his face, it was safe to say he was looking forward to this as well, or maybe he's just getting excited because I am. I don't think he actually knows what chakra is.

In short, me and Yagura are better friends than we have ever been thanks to the nights I spend tutoring him and I _don't like it at all_. Why he even wants my help is beyond me since he can pick up any concept I teach near instantaneously so I know he isn't failing. If I become besties with him and make an enemy of "Madara" later, it is a sure ticket to death. That motherfucker can teleport and phase through walls, can anyone say "assassinated in my sleep".

Anyway, Aopatch-sensei has just walked in and officially started the class.

' _All aboard the hype train, CHOO-CHOO.'_

"Now class, how many of you know what chakra is." He started.

Having already schooled my expression at his arrival, I did not raise my hand. ' _This is a test. I have overturned the library looking for info on chakra but did not find anything at all, so if any of the kids here were to raise their hands they would get dragged off to T &I or something later to find out how.'_

Seeing that no one raised their hands Ao-patch sensei nodded in satisfaction before continuing.

"Chakra is the lifeforce of the body and soul and it is divided into two portions, physical and spiritual, yin and yang, but that does not matter to you all right now. Instead all you need to know is that chakra is not only required to be ninja, it is the most important part of it."

' _Damn straight.'_

"Some of you may be wondering why you have never heard of it before if it is so important and I won't bore you with all the reasons, only the main one."

Simply put, chakra is used through an organ called chakra coils. A person's chakra coils move through their entire body, but at the moment of birth they are not fully formed. When an infant is born their chakra coils are concentrated around their stomach and slowly expand out as their body develops. Usually by the time they reach five, the chakra coils themselves will have fully expanded throughout the body and only then is it safe to start using chakra. Any earlier and the use of the vigorous life force would cause massive bodily complications in the places where the coils are not fully developed."

' _I dodged a fucking bullet!'_ I mentally sighed in relief as my forehead and back were coated in sweat.

"That being said, in this class I will be teaching you the basic applications of chakra, the history of chakra, and basic hand seals. I'm sure you all know that there are two Grade Tests divided between information and practical, well you should know that starting now there is a third Grade Test over chakra and it will consist of both a practical and information based portion."

"The practical portion of the Grade Test for chakra is unique in that it can be done at any time. For your first Grade Test all that is required is for you to unlock your chakra, the method of which I will teach in this class period; I will only say this once so pay attention."

"To unlock one's chakra, one must enter deep meditation while focusing on their stomach, more specifically the navel as that is the point of formation of chakra coils and thus the point where one's chakra originates.

"It sounds simple but one must enter a complete state of calm, feel the chakra, and draw it out. Just the first step can take hours in even the most optimal environment and it is near impossible to do in your first meditation session. I suggest you all start practicing meditation on the weekends, additionally, now that you are aware of the existence of chakra there is a special library you all are granted access to. There are several books on meditation and unlocking chakra there, I suggest that everyone here take a look."

"This should go without saying, but the existence of chakra should be kept a complete secret to protect the safety of your younger peers. Do not tell your family, do not tell your friends, do not even speak of it outside of this classroom or your own rooms, and only then if you know for sure that your roommate is or has taken this class. Failure to comply by these rules will be met with the harshest punishment, am I understood?" Aopatch-sesei _commanded_ in a voice as hard as steel.

" **YES SENSEI!"** The class, including me, chorused.

' _I wonder why this is such a strict rule? After all, from what he said it only affects those kids who try it when they are young, so there is no reason not to mention it to our older family members.'_ Taking a stab at the dark, I guessed. ' _It's probably to restrict the information on chakra from reaching the civilians. Yeah that sounds about right; imagine if every roaming bandit in the world learned how to use chakra, it would be a complete mess. Taking that into account I would also imagine that Kiri, and by extension all the villages, would desire to maintain its monopoly on super soldiers. No way in hell are most of them that altruistic to care about civilian lives.'_

Sensei proceeded to talk about basic things such as wall walking for the rest of the period before dismissing us. Yagura left to go to his next class with a contemplative expression and I only stopped to ask Aopatch-sensei where the special library was before doing the same.

* * *

It was finally the weekend and I have literally been waiting for this moment my whole (five year old) life.

Me and Yagura had already checked out the significantly more impressive library that hosted books on all things chakra. I wanted to stay forever but we had limited time after class and before bedtime so we read up on some books about meditation. We both decided to wait until the weekend because we had no idea how long unlocking chakra would take and we were pretty much guaranteed to fail on our first try according to the books so we would not be doing it after class and risk losing a full night of sleep (or accidently _falling_ asleep during the process).

I barely slept the night before in anticipation, but it was good enough! Me and Yagura woke up, did some recommended stretches we learned from the books and finally settled cross legged in our beds to begin meditation.

' _Deep breaths, Innnnn ouuuuut, Innnnnnn ouuuuuut'_ I chanted as my surroundings fell away. I tried to gently guide my focus to my stomach as opposed to hard focusing on it as the books warned doing so was a classic rooky mistake.

I lost myself in my mind and the calm of meditation and it could have minutes or it could have been hours before finally…..

"Hey Satoshi" ...I was interrupted.

Getting snapped out of my meditation, I opened my eyes bewildered as to what possible reason the future Mizukage could be bothering me in such an important situation. What I saw was Yagura sitting on his bed in a position mirroring mine with a glowing blue hand and a blank expression.

' _OH BULLSHIT! What was that about "impossible to do in your first meditation session". I shouldn't even feel surprised, this is classic Yagura right now.'_ My eyes were as wide as saucers at the sheer horshittery I was witnessing.

You know I said it as a joke earlier but I do actually think that Yagura's level of genius might be on par with Itachi's, this progress speed is utterly ridiculous. Even still I had to congratulate him, he is my friend after all (no matter how reluctant I am about it).

"Great job Yagura, that's incredible."

"Thank you Satoshi." Yagura said as something in his face relaxed at my praise. It was only because I have spent the last two years living and hanging out with him that I caught it.

"What's wrong?" I inquired.

"Oh nothing." Yagura said in what was the first expression of surprise I had ever gotten out of him.

"It's obviously something, tell me we're friends."

"Really?" He said, pulling an even bigger surprised face.

"Yes of course." ' _Dear Sage I'm too sober to deal with whatever this is about to become.'_

"Well it's just that everyone in all my classes get so _mad_ at me when I catch on to things so quickly." His eyes seemed to bore into his etherious blue hand, I swear I could almost see a glint of hate in his eyes.

' _Ahhh that's what it is'_ I realized ' _Hey, didn't Itachi have to go through something similar? Except whatever he went through was probably better in the fact that he didn't live in Kiri.'_

"They're jealous of you for your unbelievable talent, in fact, I am a little as well. But unlike them I'm not going to let my jealousy get in the way of being your friend. You're great Yagura and whoever says otherwise is lying."

"Oh." He said with a very small blush.

' _Wow I'm seeing all the Yagura expressions today'_

"So we are friends?" Yagura continued on to say in a completely neutral tone.

' _Wait is this why he asked me to study with him before; he wanted to be friends?'_

"Yeah Yagura, you're my best friend and it'll always stay that way, promise." I tried to console the boy the best I could.

Yagura nodded and started to move around his glowing blue arm that he had for the whole conversation.

' _Sage, that conversation was so weird. Who knew that I would ever need to comfort Yagura. He always seemed to have it all together, sometimes I forget that he's actually five.'_

It was only later, as we were going to sleep that I realized what I had just said to him.

The promise that I had made only hours ago violently flashed back to me.

' _ **Fuck.**_ _What do I do? I'm getting too attached to Yagura, this can't go on.'_

' _Trying to save him is futile, what can I even do? I know I haven't changed enough of the canon timeline yet to dissuade Tobi from genjutsuing him and I don't know if I ever will. The event is happening way too soon and I know that I won't have the strength to change it. That is if I'm even in the canon timeline in the first place, I'm pretty sure Kisame is supposed to be a lot younger than he is now upon reflection. If I'm not in the canon timeline then Yagura could get targeted at any time.'_

' _I have to distance myself from him or the only thing that awaits me is death.'_ I died with a smile on my face because I saved my friend but I can't even count the nights I spent alone, consumed with regret at my actions.

' _...I miss my parents…'_

' _I can't do it again; it's not death I fear but life after it! Starting now I will distance myself from Yagura, it is the correct decision, it is the_ _ **only**_ _decision.'_

But if my choice is so correct then why did I not sleep that night?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh poor Satoshi. I would like to clarify that the reason he is so hung up on this Yagura thing is because he is subconsciously focusing on it as it is the only problem in the foreseeable future that he has any chance of avoiding.
> 
> At the beginning of this story I had a much different expectation of what the tone was going to be. It was going to be angsty and gritty as I dived into the horrific minutia of the objectively worst ninja village from the perspective of an outsider growing up inside it like I had seen done in other works, but then I realized I can't do dark worldbuilding for shit and I pumped out (hopefully funny) joke after joke, I still try to hammer in how bad Kiri is but I am not sure of how successful I am being. What I am getting at by saying this is to please assume that Satoshi is an unreliable, antisocial narrator sitting at the relative top of the Kiri academy food chain. So while horrific shit is happening to him in the form of graduation and such, all the run of the mill Kiri students have it much worse off. Case in point all of the classes Satoshi finds easy are extremely difficult for his actual three year old compatriots even with their biologically increased intelligence.
> 
> I will end this chapter off by saying that Satoshi will eventually grow out of his cowardice concerning Yagura, though it won't be anytime soon. Gotta have those character flaws so that the character growth is made all the sweeter right?


End file.
